I Hate Pornography

I HATE pornography.

The word "hate" isn't even strong enough to encompass the depth of repulsion I feel towards it.

There is nothing good about pornography.

You know, I have read in books and heard other people agree that pornography can make a marriage or sexual relationship better.  When we were much younger, before we had kids, Kris and I went through a period of time where we tried to prove this idea.  Because he struggled with it, and couldn't seem to escape it, we thought that maybe if we watched it together (thinking then he wouldn't be hiding in sin alone) and were intimate with one another that it could enhance our sexual experience.

There is nothing to say besides this:  it did not help.

In fact, it was more damaging ultimately.  We engaged in the sin of lust together.

How can you watch someone else have sex or see a nude body and then think for one second that your mind will ONLY be on your spouse?  How does this make any sense?

And yet, we try so hard to make these sins fit into our lives.  We try to tie them up with a pretty bow, make them presentable, so that we ourselves can be deceived and fool ourselves into thinking that what we know deep down to be wrong is not really wrong after all.

Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean.  In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness.
Matthew 23:27-28

We are no different than the teachers of the law and the Pharisees when we try to cover up the ugly truth with a beautiful exterior that is nothing more than a lie.  The Church is full of hypocrisy and wickedness.  Our hearts are full of hypocrisy and wickedness!

If there is legitimately nothing wrong with viewing pornography, then why do we hide it?

Did you know that there is a very large number of online pornography viewers between the ages of 12 and 18?  How old are your children?  I have two in this age range, with two more soon to follow.

We have to wake up, at least for the sake of our children, and realize the impact this will have. 

At a counseling session not long ago, Kris and I needed to talk about how pornography could affect our children.  Tony talked about the immense shame that we experience as a result of our sin.

The tendency is to hide.  Adam and Eve were naked in the Garden of Eden, before sin entered the world.  They were not only naked; they were naked and UNASHAMED.  There was nothing to be ashamed of initially.  Adam and Eve could see each other's nakedness and feel no shame.  But once sin entered in, Adam and Eve felt shame and a need to cover their bodies.  As we talked about this concept and how shame plays into our lives, Tony gave us an illustration to consider.

In it, he replaced the word shame with hate, as hate is a feeling or state of mind or action that makes more sense in the mind of a child than shame does.  So he explained it this way:

When we sin, we have four choices.

We can hate the person who has seen our sin once it is exposed.
We can hate ourselves for having committed such atrocity.
We can hate God for making us feel what we feel about our sin.

Of those three, none of them are right.  None of them lead to true repentance, freedom or peace.  But there is hope.  There is another option.

We can choose to hate our sin.

Once the focus shifts to where it really belongs, we can look at what we did as a singular action, and not something that defines who we are.  My son tends to believe that his mistakes or bad choices define him.  He is bad because he made a bad choice.  That is the reality that he lives in.  It isn't true.  It isn't healthy. But it is what he believes.

Growing up believing that same way about myself, I completely understand him.  It took me 33 years to understand that I had to stop hating myself and hate the sin that I had taken part in.

It is only in separating ourselves from the sin itself that we can even accept God's forgiveness and Jesus' death on the cross. 

I want my 12 year old son to learn NOW what took me entirely too long to understand.  But he really struggles with this sometimes.  He has done some things this year that he believed were unforgivable.  He believed, regardless of what we said, that we did not forgive him.  That we were angry with him.  This is the same way I viewed my own sin and I believed that God could not forgive me.

But here's the truth:

Whether I accept it or not, Christ forgives.

His death on the cross forgave the sins of my past.  The sins of my present.  And the sins of my future.  I cannot use that as an excuse to sin.  That would be crucifying Christ all over again.

If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God.
Hebrews 10:26-27

I love the XXX Church. It's possibly the only website on the internet with XXX in it that I will trust. If you are not familiar with this ministry, these are former sex and pornography addicts are now on mission to free other addicts and those involved in the pornography industry, such as porn stars, producers, etc...we actually use their software on the computer and phones for added accountability. If you are looking for freedom from this particular addiction or you're looking for resources to help those enslaved in this, check them out.

Our minister, and marriage counselor, has a ministry called The Power of Purity. His sessions on lust and addiction are phenomenal and offer hope and help to anyone struggling with addictions. Right now, you can hear his story of brokenness through sexual addiction and adultery to redemption and restoration of his marriage, for free. Click on the link and it will take you to his website. He has a video series he has put together and someone generously paid for many people to watch these videos for free. It's a first come first serve basis, so if you are interested, check it out now. You can purchase the entire video series as well (we did so we have it for our own use and possibly future ministry opportunities).

I'm very passionate about this topic. I have seen firsthand how devastating it can be in a person's life and marriage and I want our children to grow up in a society that says "This is NOT OK." Maybe that's wishful thinking, maybe it's idealistic. But it is still what my heart cries out for. Those involved in viewing pornography have believed a lie. Several really. The lie that says "It's okay, everyone does it." The lie that claims "It's not hurting anyone." The lie that deceives by luring you into believing that it can actually enhance your relationship with your significant other. If there was truth there, there would be no need to hide it. There wouldn't be such deep shame associated with it. The shame doesn't stem from Christians condemning it. The shame comes from a brokenness inside the heart that knows it isn't right. People can disagree with me, they can dislike me for speaking out against it, but it will not change what I believe. And it will not silence me. It's time we speak up, and speak out. Pornography will destroy marriages, homes, and families. Little by little, it will eat away at your soul. You may not believe it or be able to see it now, but pornography will eventually cost you something.