Locusts

There is a question out there that I want to speak to, because #1. I know the answer and #2. It is a question that entirely too many people are asking themselves and others, desperate for an answer.

"Does my prodigal spouse realize the mess they have created?"

The answer to this question is both simple and complex.

I've heard it a lot in the last several months. Those hurting right now because their spouse has been unfaithful, or is an alocholic, or porn addict-this is the question they want answered. They want to know why their spouses are seemingly so much happier than they are, even though their spouse is the one living in sin. I don't propose to have an answer to the why of that, but I do understand how a prodigal's mind works. I know what it is like to be in the shoes of the prodigal who is living in sin and darkness.



Did I realize the mess I had created?

Yes, to some extent I did. Not in a way that would make me acknowledge it on my own. But when forced to face reality and take a deep look at my life, I did see what a mess I had made of things. How I had ruined my marriage. How I had messed everything up. In the midst of my sin, I knew the harm I would be causing my husband and kids if they knew all my secrets.

It is something I wrestled with, in the middle of my mess. But the sin and darkness beckoned me. It had a hold on me that I alone could not break free of. I could see that what I was doing was ripping my family apart. I could admit that I had messed up big time, and that I was hurting so many people.

But that wasn't pretty. It wasn't fun to think about.

So instead, I pretended like I didn't care. I acted as if I could go about living two lives, and no one was being hurt. As long as no one really knew the truth, the full weight of it, then I was somehow hurting people less. I was able to convince myself that what I was doing wasn't affecting my loved ones.

What they didn't know couldn't hurt them, right?

This is where darkness brings us. It takes us to a place of complete denial. Denial about what we're doing. Denial about how our choices affect those around us, even when they don't know the details. Denial about how what we're doing is killing us.

I can assure you that prodigal spouses, especially those who have chosen to be unfaithful to their marriage vows, do realize the mess they have created.

But here is the problem:

We can't admit it.

There is too much guilt.

Too much shame.

Too much fear.

What if my spouse won't love and accept me?

What if they won't take me back?

What if what I have done is too unforgiveable?

And meanwhile, our spouses are at home, weeping and crying out to God to reveal why their spouse doesn't care about them. They are left to listen to angry raging, while their spouse lashes out. Words are said. Words that cannot be changed or taken back. It is amazing to me how this vicious cycle continually plays out in marriages everywhere.

God hasn't forsaken you.

He doesn't want you to hurt in this way.

He hurts with you.

But your spouse is never going to change because you will it, or because you love them enough. They will only stop what they are doing when they understand how much God loves them, and how vitally important the Cross is to their life. When their eyes are opened to the truth, they will come home.

And it will not be easy for them.

There will still be guilt and shame and fear.

But with God by their side, they will come home and deal with the mess they have made. They will choose to move forward and take risks to restore their marriage and end affairs and addiction, regardless of the outcome.

I have so many friends who are hurting deeply. Deeper than I can imagine. We all go through struggles. And they may not look exactly like our neighbor's, but that doesn't mean it hurts any less. I think that there is a lot of good that can come out of heartache. I think that how we live through our heartache determines the kind of testimony we will have.

If you choose to live as a result of your husband or wife's actions, rather than seeking God and allowing Him to be all that you need, I think that happiness and true joy will elude you. If, on the other hand, you are able to surrender your heart to something bigger, to serve God while you're waiting, and to love your spouse unconditionally no matter what they throw at you, you will reap a reward unlike any you could have hoped or imagined.

I was reminded of this truth a few days ago. I don't remember exactly what Kris and I were talking about, aside from the conversation having something to do with how good God has been to us. And Kris said, "What's that verse? Something about restoring what the locust have eaten?" What an incredible verse to hold onto, in the midst of your pain and hurt and confusion. God WILL reward your faithfulness to Him. He will give you back the years that were wasted. He will restore what was lost. The love your spouse doesn't think they feel for you, or you for them, it can be redeemed. You can love again. It won't be the way it was when you first "fell" in love. It will be richer, fuller, and deeper. It will be centered at the heart of God's great love for you, and it will be unlike anything you could hope for or imagine. It will be worth the wait, worth the heartache, worth the pain.

"I"ll make up for the years of the locust, the great locust devastation--Locusts savage, locusts deadly, fierce locusts, locusts of doom, that great locust invasion I sent your way. You'll eat your fill of good food. You'll be full of praises to your God. The God who has set you back on your heels in wonder." Joel 2:25 (The Message)

What an amazing promise from God!!