New Study Reveals Who's More Likely to Cheat in a Relationship

<figure data-reactid=".0.$cover-mosaic-transition-group.$=1$cover-mosaic-0:0.$article-120448068883.0:$Pos-r.$article-inner-container.$inset-container.$grid-template.0.$col-left.$content.$grid-content.0.1.1.$text-body.0.0.$figure-0" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Times, serif; font-size: 18px; letter-spacing: 0.180000007152557px; line-height: 28.7999992370605px; margin: 0px;"><img alt="New Study Reveals Who's More Likely to Cheat in a Relationship" height="341" src="https://s.yimg.com/cd/resizer/2.0/FIT_TO_WIDTH-w512/104ff7294c781d758ad00866f5c5add64a20ad1f.jpg" style="border: 0px; height: auto; margin-right: 20px; max-width: 100%; vertical-align: bottom;" width="512" /></figure><div data-reactid=".0.$cover-mosaic-transition-group.$=1$cover-mosaic-0:0.$article-120448068883.0:$Pos-r.$article-inner-container.$inset-container.$grid-template.0.$col-left.$content.$grid-content.0.1.1.$text-body.0.0.$p-2" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Times, serif; font-size: 18px; letter-spacing: 0.180000007152557px; line-height: 28.7999992370605px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; margin-top: 1.5em;"> <i><b>Hint: It has everything to do with economic dependence.  </b>(Image via AP Photo/Wilfredo Lee)</i></div> <div data-reactid=".0.$cover-mosaic-transition-group.$=1$cover-mosaic-0:0.$article-120448068883.0:$Pos-r.$article-inner-container.$inset-container.$grid-template.0.$col-left.$content.$grid-content.0.1.1.$text-body.0.0.$p-4" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Times, serif; font-size: 18px; letter-spacing: 0.180000007152557px; line-height: 28.7999992370605px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; margin-top: 1.5em;"> What’s the likelihood your spouse will cheat on you? University of Connecticut professor Christin Munsch attempts to answer that question through an economic lens in a study published today in <i><a data-rapid_p="46" data-v9y="1" data-ylk="elm:itm;elmt:link;t1:a2;t2:article;t3:body;t8:818e083e-e3fc-3458-a40a-40f8c33ff5d4;t9:18;itc:0" href="http://www.asanet.org/journals/CS/Jun15ASRFeature.pdf" style="border: 0px; color: #0e9be4; outline: 0px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">American Sociological Review</a></i>. Munsch looks at how likely it is a breadwinner will cheat — as well as how likely it is an economically dependent spouse will do the same. Her “counterintuitive” finding, per the<i><a data-rapid_p="47" data-v9y="1" data-ylk="elm:itm;elmt:link;t1:a2;t2:article;t3:body;t8:818e083e-e3fc-3458-a40a-40f8c33ff5d4;t9:18;itc:0" href="http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/jun/01/extramarital-affair-couples-breadwinner" style="border: 0px; color: #0e9be4; outline: 0px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Guardian</a></i>: </div> <div data-reactid=".0.$cover-mosaic-transition-group.$=1$cover-mosaic-0:0.$article-120448068883.0:$Pos-r.$article-inner-container.$inset-container.$grid-template.0.$col-left.$content.$grid-content.0.1.1.$text-body.0.0.$p-6" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Times, serif; font-size: 18px; letter-spacing: 0.180000007152557px; line-height: 28.7999992370605px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; margin-top: 1.5em;"> </div> <blockquote style="background-color: white; border-left-color: rgb(204, 204, 204); border-left-style: solid; border-left-width: 1px; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Times, serif; font-size: 18px; letter-spacing: 0.180000007152557px; line-height: 28.7999992370605px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 5px 20px;"> Men and women who are economically dependent on their partner are more likely to cheat, with men three times more inclined to do so. For women: Those who are totally economically dependent have a 5.2% probability of cheating, compared to 3.4% for those who brought home equal income and just 1.5% for total breadwinners. For completely financially dependent men, the probability of cheating was much higher: 15%. </blockquote> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Times, serif; font-size: 18px; letter-spacing: 0.180000007152557px; line-height: 28.7999992370605px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; margin-top: 1.5em;"> </div> <div data-reactid=".0.$cover-mosaic-transition-group.$=1$cover-mosaic-0:0.$article-120448068883.0:$Pos-r.$article-inner-container.$inset-container.$grid-template.0.$col-left.$content.$grid-content.0.1.1.$text-body.0.0.$p-8" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Times, serif; font-size: 18px; letter-spacing: 0.180000007152557px; line-height: 28.7999992370605px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; margin-top: 1.5em;"> As for how common that scenario may be, <a data-rapid_p="48" data-v9y="1" data-ylk="elm:itm;elmt:link;t1:a2;t2:article;t3:body;t8:818e083e-e3fc-3458-a40a-40f8c33ff5d4;t9:18;itc:0" href="http://www.cnn.com/2015/06/01/living/infidelity-men-women-breadwinners-feat/" style="border: 0px; color: #0e9be4; outline: 0px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">CNN</a> points to a<a data-rapid_p="49" data-v9y="1" data-ylk="elm:itm;elmt:link;t1:a2;t2:article;t3:body;t8:818e083e-e3fc-3458-a40a-40f8c33ff5d4;t9:18;itc:0" href="http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2013/05/29/breadwinner-moms/" style="border: 0px; color: #0e9be4; outline: 0px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Pew Research Center</a> report that found that 15% of married mothers out-earned their husbands in 2011. </div> <div data-reactid=".0.$cover-mosaic-transition-group.$=1$cover-mosaic-0:0.$article-120448068883.0:$Pos-r.$article-inner-container.$inset-container.$grid-template.0.$col-left.$content.$grid-content.0.1.1.$text-body.0.0.$p-10" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Times, serif; font-size: 18px; letter-spacing: 0.180000007152557px; line-height: 28.7999992370605px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; margin-top: 1.5em;"> Men were actually least likely to cheat (2.9%) when they brought home 70% of the couple’s pooled income. Infidelity increases from there, with men who are the sole breadwinners having a 4% chance of cheating. </div> <div data-reactid=".0.$cover-mosaic-transition-group.$=1$cover-mosaic-0:0.$article-120448068883.0:$Pos-r.$article-inner-container.$inset-container.$grid-template.0.$col-left.$content.$grid-content.0.1.1.$text-body.0.0.$p-12" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Times, serif; font-size: 18px; letter-spacing: 0.180000007152557px; line-height: 28.7999992370605px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; margin-top: 1.5em;"> “These men are aware that their wives are truly dependent and may think that, as a result, their wives will not leave them even if they cheat,” Munsch tells the <i><a data-rapid_p="50" data-v9y="1" data-ylk="elm:itm;elmt:link;t1:a2;t2:article;t3:body;t8:818e083e-e3fc-3458-a40a-40f8c33ff5d4;t9:18;itc:0" href="http://blogs.wsj.com/economics/2015/06/01/when-a-man-depends-on-a-woman-he-may-be-more-likely-to-cheat/" style="border: 0px; color: #0e9be4; outline: 0px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Wall Street Journal</a></i>. She arrived at her conclusions by crunching data of 2,757 straight people in the same relationship for at least a year as gathered by the National Longitudinal Survey of Youth between 2001 and 2011. As the survey’s name suggests, those considered were young: between the ages of 18 and 32. What Munsch thinks her findings indicate: </div> <div data-reactid=".0.$cover-mosaic-transition-group.$=1$cover-mosaic-0:0.$article-120448068883.0:$Pos-r.$article-inner-container.$inset-container.$grid-template.0.$col-left.$content.$grid-content.0.1.1.$text-body.0.0.$p-14" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Times, serif; font-size: 18px; letter-spacing: 0.180000007152557px; line-height: 28.7999992370605px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; margin-top: 1.5em;"> “We don’t really like inequity, and there’s probably something about masculinity that means men really don’t like it.” (How to tell if your <a data-rapid_p="51" data-v9y="1" data-ylk="elm:itm;elmt:link;t1:a2;t2:article;t3:body;t8:818e083e-e3fc-3458-a40a-40f8c33ff5d4;t9:18;itc:0" href="http://www.newser.com/story/207554/slept-with-many-people-5-ways-to-see-where-you-rank.html?utm_source=part&utm_medium=yahoohealth&utm_campaign=relatedlink" style="border: 0px; color: #0e9be4; outline: 0px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">number of sex partners is “normal.”</a>)</div>

New Study Reveals Who's More Likely to Cheat in a Relationship

Hint: It has everything to do with economic dependence.  (Image via AP Photo/Wilfredo Lee) What’s the likelihood your spouse will cheat on you? University of Connecticut professor Christin Munsch attempts to answer that question through an economic …

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Peace In The Darkness

<div class="post-body entry-content" id="post-body-884214594151439557" itemprop="description articleBody" style="background-color: white; color: #440002; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 15.3999996185303px; line-height: 1.4; position: relative; width: 702px;"> <div class="mymusic" style="background-image: url(https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDhY89OtyjxbQSdgCObMpertW0E9trV1EFnCR6n5KNWfZOebtHQms6mFqto9Pc0TBpw1iGPVcEsKFcE_SNO-NmfpSdAHLvfmqJ3XvOAtHp7XrjqtJqLqZvSRx6XxS2XZXnh340yTei6Gd2/s1600/music.jpg); background-position: 50% 50%; background-repeat: repeat; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS', cursive, sans-serif; margin: 10px 100px; padding: 25px; text-align: center; text-shadow: rgb(166, 166, 166) 2px 2px 3px;"> I just can't believe<br />Where my life was at<br />All that I know is that my heart was broken<br />And I don't ever want to go back</div> <br />Those lyrics are from a new MercyMe song called "Shake" - a song that I don't truly care for. Maybe if I liked to dance I could appreciate the song in its entirety, but no. However, I do love the first four lines. This is how I feel. Often, I find myself comparing where I was to where I am now. Not just during the affair until now, but also as I grew up and began my walk with Christ. I see who I was in college, and how much I have changed. How much my faith and my understanding of God has grown. I suppose that's quite normal. It's just that I remember that idealistic college girl who took the Bible at its word, didn't question anything God said in it, and dreamed of some day working in some remote Indian village in another country.<br /><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="more"></a><br />And while I still take the Bible as truth without questioning if this is true or that, or trying to argue theology (because I just don't care-God is who He says He is, the Bible is true, Jesus is my Savior-that's enough for me), I just never imagined my life turning out the way it has. I suppose that is the folly in grand expectations or trying to actually plan out your life. We really can't know what will happen day to day. We can't predict what situations will arise in our lives that will change our dreams and goals.<br /><br />There was absolutely nothing wrong with my desire to be a missionary on some foreign field. In fact, that dream is still in my heart. It's just that as life happened and circumstances evolved, my goals changed. I married young (age 19) and had four children, relatively close together. Sure, some families take their young children on the mission field and do quite well raising them. But I can see, looking back, I wasn't ready. There is a reason that God did not open up doors for Kris and I to minister to others in that way.<br /><br />I think that God knew the path that Kris and I would take. I think He was able to foresee that had we been on a mission field somewhere, our ministry would have been false. Kris with his hidden addiction could not possibly have had the same impact then as he can now, as he experiences freedom from something that held him captive for over 20 years. And me? Would I have committed adultery if our lives had been played out somewhere else? It's hard to say. Perhaps I would have chosen some other outlet for my lack of faith in God and the devastation that Kris' addiction brought into our lives. I don't think that just because we were missionaries my heart would have held onto hope. Obviously there is no way of knowing what would have happened. Perhaps Kris would have found freedom sooner. Who knows, but God?<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjimHFdkdGTowZBsaFj7ms8R8FBwHHMoP9j2gobilQHBXxo9oEuxW7oCe2OwBSoRCMrrYJ9YXmZx2_9eLY1dfl8TcFXNQUSwP0iBWS2XB7jUTDiVDehzjST-QY0nLUgmeX-GWEL4e9yTlc/s1600/peaceinthedarkness.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="color: #888888; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-decoration: none;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjimHFdkdGTowZBsaFj7ms8R8FBwHHMoP9j2gobilQHBXxo9oEuxW7oCe2OwBSoRCMrrYJ9YXmZx2_9eLY1dfl8TcFXNQUSwP0iBWS2XB7jUTDiVDehzjST-QY0nLUgmeX-GWEL4e9yTlc/s1600/peaceinthedarkness.jpg" style="-webkit-box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.0980392) 1px 1px 5px; background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 1px solid rgb(238, 238, 238); box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.0980392) 1px 1px 5px; padding: 5px; position: relative;" width="400" /></a></div> <br />The point is we were not ready.<br /><br />And I see that now.<br /><br />And I am grateful that God called us to stay where we were (physically speaking). Because I look at where Kris and I are now as a couple and spiritually, and I see how much more effective we can be in ministering to others and sharing the love and grace of God, and the freedom found in Christ. Because God carried us through all of the pain and sin and shame.<br /><br /><div class="mybible" style="background-image: url(https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhY-ZbQj5CMhrw5C0fEVuPA0MJG9BGWWJvrAXvNN8xQChNCiIdJCh7gEx0V1VusXUEumZfdkx7iH-z3syQCVISu5P9fFBAvOR02Ll-gDTcu-0SVD4UtdAvzIShujC_xJngsbBL5OzFxfYGB/s1600/bible2.jpg); background-position: 50% 50%; background-repeat: repeat; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS', cursive, sans-serif; margin: 10px 50px; padding: 25px; text-align: center; text-shadow: rgb(166, 166, 166) 2px 2px 3px;"> Praise the Lord; praise God our Savior! For each day He carries us in his arms.<br />Psalm 68:19</div> <br />Kris and I began reading "Jesus Calling," a devotional book by Sarah Young. And the verses these last few days have really spoken to where my heart is right now. One in particular just really summed up the most detrimental mistake I made almost 9 years ago, when I shut down and pushed away Kris and God.<br /><br /><div class="mybible" style="background-image: url(https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhY-ZbQj5CMhrw5C0fEVuPA0MJG9BGWWJvrAXvNN8xQChNCiIdJCh7gEx0V1VusXUEumZfdkx7iH-z3syQCVISu5P9fFBAvOR02Ll-gDTcu-0SVD4UtdAvzIShujC_xJngsbBL5OzFxfYGB/s1600/bible2.jpg); background-position: 50% 50%; background-repeat: repeat; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS', cursive, sans-serif; margin: 10px 50px; padding: 25px; text-align: center; text-shadow: rgb(166, 166, 166) 2px 2px 3px;"> Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.<br />Hebrews 12:3</div> <br />Consider Christ, so that you do not give up. Consider the deep love he had, willingly sacrificing his life for me, because it is only in doing that that you can find strength to keep going, to hold tightly to hope. The same day that verse was in the devotion, a line from the book really struck both Kris and me. The book is written as if God is talking directly to us, which is an interesting alternative to a devotional that sounds like the author is speaking words of wisdom. This book allows you to really feel as if God himself is speaking the words, and perhaps he really is, directly into our hearts. This is what we read:<br /><br /><div class="myquotes" style="background-image: url(https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZ2GTKc5CDyZEUBPCHdwnAkJ6vILjLjve15S17TTzEEx_rscBd-pwOzB_lkRKAtvFSt3sathqt1x3eIsZHDiic0M0N9oIi5QS6YdmVyWT_G9DgrMNsU4uLT4EcvxcB1uGNrZ8QN0nshLzy/s1600/callig.jpg); background-position: 50% 50%; background-repeat: repeat; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS', cursive, sans-serif; margin: 10px 50px; padding: 25px; text-align: center; text-shadow: rgb(166, 166, 166) 2px 2px 3px;"> Hardships are part of the journey too. I mete them out ever so carefully, in just the right dosage, with a tenderness you can hardly imagine. Do not recoil from afflictions, since they are among My most favored gifts. Trust Me and don't be afraid, for I am your Strength and Song.</div> <br />Have you ever thought about seeing your problems in this light? I mean, can you imagine running headlong into troubles, into the pain of life, knowing that God is carrying you? Knowing that you can trust him, that he drives out fear, and that he will give you strength to endure whatever hardships you face? I love that the author imagines God allowing certain trials in our lives, but with a tenderness, a loving concern for ensuring that we are not burdened beyond what he can carry us through. Just the realization that hardships are part of the journey is something to consider.<br /><br />Just because we follow Christ doesn't mean we are going to be exempt from pain. It is part of life. It is actually a large part of life. Think about how God handled Adam and Eve in their sin. Sin brought pain. It brought hardship. It brought afflictions. It is normal. Consider this, also from "Jesus Calling":<br /><br /><div class="myquotes" style="background-image: url(https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZ2GTKc5CDyZEUBPCHdwnAkJ6vILjLjve15S17TTzEEx_rscBd-pwOzB_lkRKAtvFSt3sathqt1x3eIsZHDiic0M0N9oIi5QS6YdmVyWT_G9DgrMNsU4uLT4EcvxcB1uGNrZ8QN0nshLzy/s1600/callig.jpg); background-position: 50% 50%; background-repeat: repeat; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS', cursive, sans-serif; margin: 10px 50px; padding: 25px; text-align: center; text-shadow: rgb(166, 166, 166) 2px 2px 3px;"> On darker days, My Peace stands out in sharp contrast to your circumstances. See times of darkness as opportunities for My Light to shine in transcendent splendor. I am training you to practice Peace that overpowers darkness...do not grow weary and lose heart.</div> <br />I don't know about you, but I would LOVE to have peace that overpowers the pain! But this words above seem to indicate that it isn't something that will come overnight. It's something we have to practice. We have to train ourselves to recognize God in the dark times, and to hear His voice above all the others that would try to take our focus from Him. It is only when we take our eyes off of Jesus (Peter stepping out of the boat onto the water) that we no longer have strength to endure the trials of life.<br /><br /><div class="mybible" style="background-image: url(https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhY-ZbQj5CMhrw5C0fEVuPA0MJG9BGWWJvrAXvNN8xQChNCiIdJCh7gEx0V1VusXUEumZfdkx7iH-z3syQCVISu5P9fFBAvOR02Ll-gDTcu-0SVD4UtdAvzIShujC_xJngsbBL5OzFxfYGB/s1600/bible2.jpg); background-position: 50% 50%; background-repeat: repeat; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS', cursive, sans-serif; margin: 10px 50px; padding: 25px; text-align: center; text-shadow: rgb(166, 166, 166) 2px 2px 3px;"> Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders us and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.<br />Hebrews 12:1-2</div> <br />The only way to have peace in the darkness is to keep our eyes on the only True Light.</div>

Peace In The Darkness

I just can't believeWhere my life was atAll that I know is that my heart was brokenAnd I don't ever want to go back Those lyrics are from a new MercyMe song called "Shake" - a song that I don't truly care for. Maybe if I liked to dance I could appre…

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I Want A Life

<h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name" style="background-color: white; color: #440002; font-family: Slackey; font-size: 36px; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; margin: 0.75em 0px 0px; position: relative;"> <span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 15.3999996185303px; line-height: 1.4;">I love anything sung by</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 15.3999996185303px; line-height: 1.4;"> </span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/user/lennonandmaisy" style="color: #888888; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 15.3999996185303px; line-height: 1.4; text-decoration: none;">Lennon and Maisy Stella</a><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 15.3999996185303px; line-height: 1.4;">. I do watch and enjoy the show Nashville-it is an added bonus that these awesome young and extremely talented sisters perform on a few episodes. So tonight, as I reflect on my day, and the two years that Kris and I have experienced restoration and redemption, as well as renewed love, my mind goes back to a song on the newest Nashville soundtrack. The lyrics fit right in with where my life is at right now, and it seems sufficient to close out the night with this video and the lyrics. I never want to forget to cherish each blessing in my life.</span></h3> <div class="post-body entry-content" id="post-body-8007666667494747343" itemprop="description articleBody" style="background-color: white; color: #440002; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 15.3999996185303px; line-height: 1.4; position: relative; width: 702px;"> <a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="more"></a><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div> <div class="mymusic" style="background-image: url(https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDhY89OtyjxbQSdgCObMpertW0E9trV1EFnCR6n5KNWfZOebtHQms6mFqto9Pc0TBpw1iGPVcEsKFcE_SNO-NmfpSdAHLvfmqJ3XvOAtHp7XrjqtJqLqZvSRx6XxS2XZXnh340yTei6Gd2/s1600/music.jpg); background-position: 50% 50%; background-repeat: repeat; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS', cursive, sans-serif; margin: 10px 100px; padding: 25px; text-align: center; text-shadow: rgb(166, 166, 166) 2px 2px 3px;"> <br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 15px;">A Life That's Good</span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 15px;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 15px;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 15px;">Sittin' here tonight</span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 15px;">By the fire light</span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 15px;">it reminds me that I</span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 15px;">Already have more than I should</span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 15px;">I don't need fame</span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 15px;">No one to know my name</span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 15px;">At the end of the day</span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 15px;">Lord I pray</span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 15px;">I have a life that's good</span><br /><br style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 15px;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 15px;">Two arms around me</span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 15px;">Heaven to ground me</span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 15px;">And a family that always calls me home</span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 15px;">Four wheels to get there</span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 15px;">Enough love to share</span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 15px;">And a sweet sweet sweet song</span><br /><br style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 15px;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 15px;">At the end of the day</span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 15px;">Lord I pray</span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 15px;">I have a life that's good</span><br /><br style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 15px;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 15px;">Sometimes I'm hard on me</span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 15px;">When dreams don't come easy</span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 15px;">I wanna look back and say</span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 15px;">I did all that I could</span><br /><br style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 15px;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 15px;">Yeah at the end of the day</span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 15px;">Lord I pray</span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 15px;">I have a life that's good</span><br /><br style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 15px;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 15px;">Two arms around me</span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 15px;">Heaven to ground me</span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 15px;">And a family that always calls me home</span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 15px;">Four wheels to get there</span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 15px;">Enough love to share</span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 15px;">And a sweet sweet sweet song</span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 15px;">At the end of the day</span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 15px;">Lord I pray</span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 15px;">I have a life that's good</span></div> </div>

I Want A Life

I love anything sung by Lennon and Maisy Stella. I do watch and enjoy the show Nashville-it is an added bonus that these awesome young and extremely talented sisters perform on a few episodes. So tonight, as I reflect on my day, and the two years th…

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Reflections Of The Past

<h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name" style="background-color: white; color: #440002; font-family: Slackey; font-size: 36px; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; margin: 0.75em 0px 0px; position: relative;"> <span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 15.3999996185303px; line-height: 1.4;">I read an article over on</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 15.3999996185303px; line-height: 1.4;"> </span><a href="http://www.intentionallyyours.org/" style="color: #888888; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 15.3999996185303px; line-height: 1.4; text-decoration: none;">Intentionally Yours</a><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 15.3999996185303px; line-height: 1.4;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 15.3999996185303px; line-height: 1.4;">today called "</span><a href="http://www.intentionallyyours.org/2014/02/11/i-ruined-valentines-day/" style="color: #888888; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 15.3999996185303px; line-height: 1.4; text-decoration: none;">I Ruined Valentine's Day</a><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 15.3999996185303px; line-height: 1.4;">."  It is written by a man named David who made some bad choices in his life.  It is his reflection on how confessing his sin to his wife on Valentine's Day tarnished the implied joy the day should bring.  We all know that Valentine's Day is a day for love, for couples to celebrate that love.  So for David, it was devastating to his relationship that this bomb was dropped on that particular day.  And yet, at the same time, David found hope that day.  In the eyes and heart of his wife, he found forgiveness and it was just the beginning of a fresh start for his marriage.</span></h3> <div class="post-body entry-content" id="post-body-2389042160989223959" itemprop="description articleBody" style="background-color: white; color: #440002; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 15.3999996185303px; line-height: 1.4; position: relative; width: 702px;"> <div> <br /></div> <div> What is it about Valentine's Day and confessing sin?  As I sit here and reflect on my own life, I find that today marks two years since my husband found out about my affair.  Two years since I turned my back on my marriage and was ready to give up and bring out the word we had always refused to allow into our vocabulary:  divorce.</div> <div> <br /></div> <div> I was done.<br /><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="more"></a><br />It wasn't just because he found out about the affair.  It was because of his addiction, because I was unhappy, because I wasn't content.  But most of all, it was because my heart was so far from God.  It was because of the shame and guilt that weighed me down, making it impossible for me to see (that day, in that moment) that my marriage could be restored.</div> <div> <br /></div> <div> I had destroyed it.  Yes, Kris and his addiction played a part in the destruction.  But the night that Kris confronted me and the truth about how I had spent the last seven years came into the light, I took all the blame.  I knew that my actions alone had wreaked havoc on our marriage, on our relationship, on my soul.  I could see it and I saw the pain in Kris' eyes as I was cold towards him, even in the midst of it all.<br /><b><i><br /></i></b><b><i>I used anger that he finally knew the truth as a wall to protect myself from the shame that tried to suffocate me.  </i></b><br /><br />For several days, I watched life pass me by, as Kris and I were in this holding pattern.  </div> <div> <br /></div> <div> Honestly, I don't remember much of what transpired in those first few days after he found out.  Valentine's Day came and went and I have no memory at all of what we did.  I'm sure that we didn't go to dinner together without the kids and pretend that everything was okay.  I felt like the walls were closing in on me.  The tension was too great, and I didn't want to be with my husband in those days.  I wanted to see my boyfriend.  I wanted him to reassure me that it would all be okay.</div> <div> <br /></div> <div> <b><i>But the truth is, I knew deep in my heart that another man would not be able to use words anymore to make me feel better about my sin.  </i></b><br /><br />The curtain had been drawn back, exposing my sin and the darkness in my heart, and that was all I could see.  And yet, I still yearned for him.  Not for my husband.  Feeling surrounded by things I could not understand and a husband who hovered around me trying to force me to love him (that's how it felt at the time), I fled.  I had to get away.</div> <div> <br /></div> <div> Over the next four days, I spent any moment I could with the other man.  I think we both knew things were drawing to a close.  That our years of running and hiding were about to end.  It's really difficult, ending an affair.  Especially such a prolonged one.  I know that me saying that may upset some who have been on the receiving end of this kind of pain - it isn't my intention to hurt you and I am not trying to make light of anything.  But I think it is important for those who have not been trapped in this particular sin to understand how warped our minds and emotions can become.  It wasn't just some one night stand.  I had invested all of my free time, all of my energy, and all of my heart into my relationship with this man.  I set my husband aside, convinced that I felt absolutely nothing but bitterness towards him.  Sure, I loved him.  You know, the way that you will always love someone that you have spent much of your life with.  But I certainly felt no feelings of affection or romance towards him, and didn't want to.</div> <div> <br /></div> <div> I think back to February 11, 2012.  And I remember the pain.  I remember how difficult it was to know Kris was looking at me.  I was convinced all he could see was my sin and shame.  I'm still not sure that he saw anything beyond that in the beginning.  I know that he quickly put his hurt aside and attempted to reassure us both that it would work out-that we could work it out.  But I didn't believe him.  I knew what I saw.  I knew the sin and the shame and the darkness that was still inside my heart, and nothing Kris said or did would have convinced me that he saw anything different.</div> <div> <br /></div> <div> I still cry thinking back.  What I did, sometimes I can't make any sense of it.  I can't look at my life and my heart now and understand why I made the choices I did.  I know that I bought into lie upon lie upon lie, and slowly allowed my heart to turn from God, and from my husband.  But sometimes I look back to that Jamie, to the adulterer, to the liar, to the prodigal, and I am astounded.<br /><br /><b><i>And I think, "Who is that person?"  </i></b><br /><br />And I wonder how I ever let myself get that far from God, that far from the truth.</div> <div> <br /></div> <div> I can't reconcile the person I am today with the person I was then.  I don't think I'll ever be able to.  Because the things of God do not always make sense to man, do they?  I could sit and wallow in despair over the person I became and the choices I made.  I could dwell upon the guilt and shame that came from the pain that my sin inflicted on so many.  So many people were hurt.<br /><br />I disappointed some.<br /><br />I angered others.<br /><br />And I devastated those that I was closest to, Kris included.  I was not a woman that any parent could be proud of.<br /><br /><b><i>I was so lost.  </i></b><br /><b><i><br /></i></b><b><i>So broken.  </i></b><br /><b><i><br /></i></b><b><i>So confused.</i></b></div> <div> <br /></div> <div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwXwXr5J3uxS4nAh0xQrbe3j2xsmLPzlL170girVU_NsUxfyUsIjuWw2mf2J6CB2JktjH2wKCQIOmcNSJctU5p6Nen7ir05N5owpeFZ6F37WgHMB2KnY-wTJMI4T1mgw5Xu9fGk98O4nI/s1600/reflectionsofthepast.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="color: #888888; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-decoration: none;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwXwXr5J3uxS4nAh0xQrbe3j2xsmLPzlL170girVU_NsUxfyUsIjuWw2mf2J6CB2JktjH2wKCQIOmcNSJctU5p6Nen7ir05N5owpeFZ6F37WgHMB2KnY-wTJMI4T1mgw5Xu9fGk98O4nI/s1600/reflectionsofthepast.jpg" style="-webkit-box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.0980392) 1px 1px 5px; background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 1px solid rgb(238, 238, 238); box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.0980392) 1px 1px 5px; padding: 5px; position: relative;" width="400" /></a></div> <br /><br />You see, when you buy into the lies that the devil so expertly crafts and whispers in your ear, you don't realize the confusion that is being woven into your heart and life.  Web after web of deceit is built, by Satan's design.  So intricate a pattern that you could never really unravel it all.  You can never free yourself from the trap he uses to ensnare you.  On your own, you have no choice but to submit to the will of your father.  Back then, my father was Satan.  You know, the Father of Lies?  That is who I followed.  That is who I listened to and that is who I strove to please.  I didn't see it that way in the moment, of course.  I knew I was sinning.  I could think about the decisions I was making and know they were wrong.  But when you have beleived the lies, who cares if you are doing something wrong.  It's all about making yourself happy.  Making yourself feel good.  Right?</div> <div> <br /></div> <div> And so I was left, trapped in this web of lies so powerful that on my own, I could do nothing.  I think I realized that two years ago.  When the truth was brought into the light, I saw the web I was in, and perhaps that is why I felt suffocated at home.  I couldn't move.  I could barely breathe.  The truth was flaunted in my face and all I could do was sit, trapped, and watch the story unfold.</div> <div> <br /></div> <div> And yet, in the midst of the pain of that night and the days that followed, God began to move and work.  It isn't enough to say that though.  I believe God was moving and working before that, and it was by his design that Kris found out the way that he did, when he did.  Timing is everything, as the old saying goes.  God had a plan.  There was good that he could bring out of the pain that I had brought into our marriage and into the lives of all those affected by the affair.  He even had a plan for me, down the road, to begin writing through my story, so that others could find hope and healing.</div> <div> <br /></div> <div> I wouldn't have known it at the time.<br /><br /><b><i>I was just this lost little girl, disappointed by life, by my husband, and by God.</i></b><br /><br />I didn't have enough faith to wait for God to free my husband from his addiction, and so I allowed myself to be led astray, down a path that will never cease to remind me of how sinful and broken we descendants of Adam really are.</div> <div> <br /></div> <div> It is important for me to remember the pain of revelation that came that night.  It is vital to my heart that I never grow so distant again.  And I need to remember the weight of my sin that I felt back then because it gives me accountability and pushes me forward.  Because good did come out of the wounds I had inflicted.  Without the pain that my sin and exposing my darkness caused, I wouldn't be able to rejoice in all of the good God has brought to us.</div> <div> <br /></div> <div> Without February 11, 2012, I do not know where I would be.  I don't know if the affair would have ended.  I was perfectly content, until Kris found out, to continue in it forever.  Juggling my husband and my boyfriend, hoping that the two lives I believed I was living would never intersect.  But the truth always wins out.  The darkness cannot stay hidden for ever.  Lies will be found out.  It may take days, months, or in my case years.  But some day, when you least expect it, the light will shine in the dark and sin will be exposed.  And when that happens, if you are not ready to surrender your life to Christ and embrace the freedom that is offered, you will wither.  You will be faced with your sin and your shame, and without understanding the love of Christ, forgiveness and grace, you will find no hope in this life.</div> <div> <br /></div> <div> I like today.  I like to look back through tears, through the pain, and examine my heart.  I like that I have something to look back to and say, "I don't ever want to be that person again."  I do wish I hadn't hurt my husband and the others that were involved.  It was never my intention and it is not something I am proud of.  But I need to remember.  I need to be aware of the pain I caused.  I need to be close to it, because it is only in remembering that night that I see my deep, desperate need for God.  And understanding that need pushes me on toward excellence.  Toward making the right choices from this point on.  Toward never letting my heart get so far from God that I even consider looking at another man as more than a friend; and I choose to put up boundaries and know myself well enough to know whether or not my motives are pure.  I choose to live in the light with my husband and with God, and acknowledge mistakes when I make them.  Seek forgiveness and true repentance.  </div> <div> <br /></div> <div> I have to remember so that I never lose sight of God again.  So that I never forget just how much he has done in my heart, my life, and my marriage.  And while remembering that time in my life is not a celebration, it is also not a way of condemning myself over and over again.  I do not celebrate the choices that I made that led to the affair, and the decisions I continued to make for seven and a half years.</div> <div> <br /></div> <div> But there is something that I do celebrate.  </div> <div> <br /></div> <div> Freedom in Christ.  </div> <div> <br /></div> <div> No one can take that from me.</div> <div> <br /></div> <div> <div class="mybible" style="background-image: url(https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhY-ZbQj5CMhrw5C0fEVuPA0MJG9BGWWJvrAXvNN8xQChNCiIdJCh7gEx0V1VusXUEumZfdkx7iH-z3syQCVISu5P9fFBAvOR02Ll-gDTcu-0SVD4UtdAvzIShujC_xJngsbBL5OzFxfYGB/s1600/bible2.jpg); background-position: 50% 50%; background-repeat: repeat; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS', cursive, sans-serif; margin: 10px 50px; padding: 25px; text-align: center; text-shadow: rgb(166, 166, 166) 2px 2px 3px;"> If I had not confessed the sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened. But God did listen! He paid attention to my prayer. Praise God, who did not ignore my prayer or withdraw his unfailing love from me.<br />Psalm 66:18</div> </div> </div>

Reflections Of The Past

I read an article over on Intentionally Yours today called "I Ruined Valentine's Day."  It is written by a man named David who made some bad choices in his life.  It is his reflection on how confessing his sin to his wife on Valentine's Day tarnishe…

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I Hate Pornography

<h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name" style="background-color: white; color: #440002; font-family: Slackey; font-size: 36px; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; margin: 0.75em 0px 0px; position: relative;"> <span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 15.3999996185303px; line-height: 1.4;">I HATE pornography.</span></h3> <div class="post-body entry-content" id="post-body-5171990198817672418" itemprop="description articleBody" style="background-color: white; color: #440002; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 15.3999996185303px; line-height: 1.4; position: relative; width: 702px;"> <br />The word "hate" isn't even strong enough to encompass the depth of repulsion I feel towards it.<br /><br />There is nothing good about pornography.<br /><br />You know, I have read in books and heard other people agree that pornography can make a marriage or sexual relationship better.  When we were much younger, before we had kids, Kris and I went through a period of time where we tried to prove this idea.  Because he struggled with it, and couldn't seem to escape it, we thought that maybe if we watched it together (thinking then he wouldn't be hiding in sin alone) and were intimate with one another that it could enhance our sexual experience.<br /><br />There is nothing to say besides this:  it did not help.<br /><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="more"></a><br />In fact, it was more damaging ultimately.  We engaged in the sin of lust together.<br /><br />How can you watch someone else have sex or see a nude body and then think for one second that your mind will ONLY be on your spouse?  How does this make any sense?<br /><br />And yet, we try so hard to make these sins fit into our lives.  We try to tie them up with a pretty bow, make them presentable, so that we ourselves can be deceived and fool ourselves into thinking that what we know deep down to be wrong is not really wrong after all.<br /><br /><div class="mybible" style="background-image: url(https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhY-ZbQj5CMhrw5C0fEVuPA0MJG9BGWWJvrAXvNN8xQChNCiIdJCh7gEx0V1VusXUEumZfdkx7iH-z3syQCVISu5P9fFBAvOR02Ll-gDTcu-0SVD4UtdAvzIShujC_xJngsbBL5OzFxfYGB/s1600/bible2.jpg); background-position: 50% 50%; background-repeat: repeat; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS', cursive, sans-serif; margin: 10px 50px; padding: 25px; text-align: center; text-shadow: rgb(166, 166, 166) 2px 2px 3px;"> Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean.  In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness.<br />Matthew 23:27-28</div> <br /><br />We are no different than the teachers of the law and the Pharisees when we try to cover up the ugly truth with a beautiful exterior that is nothing more than a lie.  The Church is full of hypocrisy and wickedness.  Our hearts are full of hypocrisy and wickedness!<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhblvvybUen7QDPbuqILHRRH7pte-Dr8OXpHqFqTkSLJHBScua9p6t3GEug3uutF4gNetBgWsnLIjwLont-W7KDahF390brcFddojI8otETfrlI3h39aCFiWa5hCwi7rlHMoJozsQVBhws/s1600/ihatepornography.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="color: #888888; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-decoration: none;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhblvvybUen7QDPbuqILHRRH7pte-Dr8OXpHqFqTkSLJHBScua9p6t3GEug3uutF4gNetBgWsnLIjwLont-W7KDahF390brcFddojI8otETfrlI3h39aCFiWa5hCwi7rlHMoJozsQVBhws/s1600/ihatepornography.jpg" style="-webkit-box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.0980392) 1px 1px 5px; background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 1px solid rgb(238, 238, 238); box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.0980392) 1px 1px 5px; padding: 5px; position: relative;" width="400" /></a></div> <br /><br />If there is legitimately nothing wrong with viewing pornography, then why do we hide it?<br /><br />Did you know that there is a very large number of online pornography viewers between the ages of 12 and 18?  How old are your children?  I have two in this age range, with two more soon to follow.<br /><b><br /></b><b>We have to wake up, at least for the sake of our children, and realize the impact this will have. </b><br /><br />At a counseling session not long ago, Kris and I needed to talk about how pornography could affect our children.  Tony talked about the immense shame that we experience as a result of our sin.<br /><br />The tendency is to hide.  Adam and Eve were naked in the Garden of Eden, before sin entered the world.  They were not only naked; they were naked and <b><i>UNASHAMED</i></b>.  There was nothing to be ashamed of initially.  Adam and Eve could see each other's nakedness and feel no shame.  But once sin entered in, Adam and Eve felt shame and a need to cover their bodies.  As we talked about this concept and how shame plays into our lives, Tony gave us an illustration to consider.<br /><br />In it, he replaced the word shame with hate, as hate is a feeling or state of mind or action that makes more sense in the mind of a child than shame does.  So he explained it this way:<br /><br />When we sin, we have four choices.<br /><br />We can hate the person who has seen our sin once it is exposed.<br />We can hate ourselves for having committed such atrocity.<br />We can hate God for making us feel what we feel about our sin.<br /><br />Of those three, none of them are right.  None of them lead to true repentance, freedom or peace.  But there is hope.  There is another option.<br /><br /><b>We can choose to hate our sin.</b><br /><br />Once the focus shifts to where it really belongs, we can look at what we did as a singular action, and not something that defines who we are.  My son tends to believe that his mistakes or bad choices define him.  He is bad because he made a bad choice.  That is the reality that he lives in.  It isn't true.  It isn't healthy. But it is what he believes.<br /><br />Growing up believing that same way about myself, I completely understand him.  It took me 33 years to understand that I had to stop hating myself and hate the sin that I had taken part in.<br /><br /><b><u>It is only in separating ourselves from the sin itself that we can even accept God's forgiveness and Jesus' death on the cross. </u></b><br /><br />I want my 12 year old son to learn NOW what took me entirely too long to understand.  But he really struggles with this sometimes.  He has done some things this year that he believed were unforgivable.  He believed, regardless of what we said, that we did not forgive him.  That we were angry with him.  This is the same way I viewed my own sin and I believed that God could not forgive me.<br /><br />But here's the truth:<br /><br /><u><b>Whether I accept it or not, Christ forgives.</b></u><br /><br />His death on the cross forgave the sins of my past.  The sins of my present.  And the sins of my future.  I cannot use that as an excuse to sin.  That would be crucifying Christ all over again.<br /><br /><div class="mybible" style="background-image: url(https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhY-ZbQj5CMhrw5C0fEVuPA0MJG9BGWWJvrAXvNN8xQChNCiIdJCh7gEx0V1VusXUEumZfdkx7iH-z3syQCVISu5P9fFBAvOR02Ll-gDTcu-0SVD4UtdAvzIShujC_xJngsbBL5OzFxfYGB/s1600/bible2.jpg); background-position: 50% 50%; background-repeat: repeat; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS', cursive, sans-serif; margin: 10px 50px; padding: 25px; text-align: center; text-shadow: rgb(166, 166, 166) 2px 2px 3px;"> If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God.<br />Hebrews 10:26-27</div> <br />I love the <a href="http://www.xxxchurch.com/" style="color: #888888; text-decoration: none;">XXX Church</a>. It's possibly the only website on the internet with XXX in it that I will trust. If you are not familiar with this ministry, these are former sex and pornography addicts are now on mission to free other addicts and those involved in the pornography industry, such as porn stars, producers, etc...we actually use their software on the computer and phones for added accountability. If you are looking for freedom from this particular addiction or you're looking for resources to help those enslaved in this, check them out.<br /><br />Our minister, and marriage counselor, has a ministry called <a href="http://powerofpurity.org/" style="color: #888888; text-decoration: none;">The Power of Purity</a>. His sessions on lust and addiction are phenomenal and offer hope and help to anyone struggling with addictions. Right now, you can hear his story of brokenness through sexual addiction and adultery to redemption and restoration of his marriage, for free. Click on the link and it will take you to his website. He has a video series he has put together and someone generously paid for many people to watch these videos for free. It's a first come first serve basis, so if you are interested, check it out now. You can purchase the entire video series as well (we did so we have it for our own use and possibly future ministry opportunities).<br /><br />I'm very passionate about this topic. I have seen firsthand how devastating it can be in a person's life and marriage and I want our children to grow up in a society that says "This is NOT OK." Maybe that's wishful thinking, maybe it's idealistic. But it is still what my heart cries out for. Those involved in viewing pornography have believed a lie. Several really. The lie that says "It's okay, everyone does it." The lie that claims "It's not hurting anyone." The lie that deceives by luring you into believing that it can actually enhance your relationship with your significant other. If there was truth there, there would be no need to hide it. There wouldn't be such deep shame associated with it. The shame doesn't stem from Christians condemning it. The shame comes from a brokenness inside the heart that knows it isn't right. People can disagree with me, they can dislike me for speaking out against it, but it will not change what I believe. And it will not silence me. It's time we speak up, and speak out. Pornography will destroy marriages, homes, and families. Little by little, it will eat away at your soul. You may not believe it or be able to see it now, but pornography will eventually cost you something.</div>

I Hate Pornography

I HATE pornography. The word "hate" isn't even strong enough to encompass the depth of repulsion I feel towards it.There is nothing good about pornography.You know, I have read in books and heard other people agree that pornography can make a marria…

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Irrevocable decisions

<h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name" style="background-color: white; color: #440002; font-family: Slackey; font-size: 36px; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; margin: 0.75em 0px 0px; position: relative;"> <span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 15.3999996185303px; line-height: 1.4;">A question to answer:</span></h3> <div class="post-body entry-content" id="post-body-3252402966644772256" itemprop="description articleBody" style="background-color: white; color: #440002; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 15.3999996185303px; line-height: 1.4; position: relative; width: 702px;"> <div dir="ltr" trbidi="on"> <div dir="ltr" trbidi="on"> <br />What is a decision that has irrevocably changed your life?<br /><br />The first thing I wanted to do when I read this was laugh.<br /><br />I thought "Haven't I been writing about this very thing?"<br /><br />I could say that the thing that irrevocably changed my life was choosing to have an affair.<br /><br />Or maybe that I chose to continue that affair for over seven years.<br /><br />Or that I left my husband and family back in February.<br /><br /><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="more"></a>Yes, all of those thing irrevocably changed my life.<br /><br />BUT...<br /><br />You know what other decisions changed my life?<br /><br />Choosing to fight for my marriage.<br /><br />Choosing to love my husband, a man I wasn't sure I could trust.<br /><br />Choosing to sever ties with the other man, someone who had provided seven years of what I thought was emotional stability for me.<br /><br />BUT...<br /><br />What decision IRREVOCABLY changed my life?<br /><br />It's time I tell you.<br /><br />As I mentioned yesterday, God was moving and working in my life and heart, even though I was unwilling to trust Him.  To seek Him.  To give Him my heart.  To "let" Him love me.  I was the only one standing in the way.<br /><br />It was Good Friday.<br /><br />April 6th, 2012.<br /><br />We had a counseling appointment.<br /><br />We were talking about my inability to forgive myself for the affair.  We talked about my inability to receive unconditional love.  We talked about my inability to stop punishing myself for my sin.<br /><br />And then something happened.<br /><br />14 words.<br /><br />Uttered by Tony (our counselor).<br /><br />Words I will never forget.<br /><br />Words that changed the way I saw the entire world.<br /><br />"What if, just for today, you let Jesus take the punishment for your sins?"<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrXf9y8SexhfCU84iiGkiSy3BXGsCZWUQfBYMJZ5jkkf0COJFptqhavS0aPpHglR8f0uF-CNzZqQa2sxuswzsq8i128G3hrodpGcEsnaJJ9fr2vorWo0vYtbOZYQN-hUNvJdO4U0d6TLQh/s1600/irrevocabledecisions.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="color: #888888; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-decoration: none;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrXf9y8SexhfCU84iiGkiSy3BXGsCZWUQfBYMJZ5jkkf0COJFptqhavS0aPpHglR8f0uF-CNzZqQa2sxuswzsq8i128G3hrodpGcEsnaJJ9fr2vorWo0vYtbOZYQN-hUNvJdO4U0d6TLQh/s400/irrevocabledecisions.jpg" style="-webkit-box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.0980392) 1px 1px 5px; background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 1px solid rgb(238, 238, 238); box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.0980392) 1px 1px 5px; padding: 5px; position: relative;" width="400" /></a></div> <br /><br />It was then, in that moment, hearing THOSE words, that I finally understood.<br /><br />I got it.<br /><br />It all became clear and I saw the TRUTH for the first time in my life.  I experienced God in a way I had never done before.  My eyes were opened.  The Cross became a real, LIVING thing to me.  I had my own little "Road to Damscus" experience.<br /><br />I met Jesus that day.<br /><br />I finally put the pieces together and understood that my fear of being punished by God was irrelevant.  I had already been punishing myself.  Sometimes we are harder on ourselves than anyone else.  I think that this is true with God too.  Because when we blame ourselves and get hung up on the guilt and shame, we are not seeing ourselves as God sees us.<br /><br />And do you know how God see us?<br /><br />As BEAUTIFUL.<br /><br />When Tony spoke those words and I finally understood, the weight of 33 <b><i>years </i></b>of guilt and shame was lifted.<br /><br />No.<br /><br />Not lifted.<br /><br />It was REMOVED from my shoulders.<br /><br />And it was DESTROYED.<br /><br />The enemy was DEFEATED that day.<br /><br />And while there is more that I have to say about what happened that night, I just want to leave you with my favorite song right now.  <strike>Get used to it! :-) </strike><br /><br />What an amazing day that was.  I walked out of that counseling appointment a changed person.<br /><br />I understood that I was forgiven.<br /><br />I understood that I was loved so deeply, more than I could comprehend.  By both God and my husband.  Unconditional love finally made sense to me.<br /><br />But above all else, I walked out knowing that I AM REDEEMED!</div> </div> </div>

Irrevocable decisions

A question to answer: What is a decision that has irrevocably changed your life?The first thing I wanted to do when I read this was laugh.I thought "Haven't I been writing about this very thing?"I could say that the thing that irrevocably changed my…

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Refusing The Remedy

<h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name" style="background-color: white; color: #440002; font-family: Slackey; font-size: 36px; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; margin: 0.75em 0px 0px; position: relative;"> <span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 15.3999996185303px; line-height: 1.4;">Motherhood is rewarding.</span></h3> <div class="post-body entry-content" id="post-body-250813008880731960" itemprop="description articleBody" style="background-color: white; color: #440002; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 15.3999996185303px; line-height: 1.4; position: relative; width: 702px;"> <br />Having children can bring great joy to your life.<br /><br />But do you know what I used to hate when my kids were little?<br /><br />Medicine.<br /><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="more"></a><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj95Ix9x_VphwNv9YVypq_UXPTP0HDW3QwfA4T_1RH6vmzd41voct7_A2voYD7xmHpQf4XC_8ugE3VUCr4Gjvx56i3FEk9L0CNk5OzXjIjFr2HRUEuYVdudkh3nt4Jo7uaCrDPCrmvZQ8s/s1600/refusingtheremedy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="color: #888888; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-decoration: none;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj95Ix9x_VphwNv9YVypq_UXPTP0HDW3QwfA4T_1RH6vmzd41voct7_A2voYD7xmHpQf4XC_8ugE3VUCr4Gjvx56i3FEk9L0CNk5OzXjIjFr2HRUEuYVdudkh3nt4Jo7uaCrDPCrmvZQ8s/s1600/refusingtheremedy.jpg" style="-webkit-box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.0980392) 1px 1px 5px; background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 1px solid rgb(238, 238, 238); box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.0980392) 1px 1px 5px; padding: 5px; position: relative;" width="400" /></a><div class="pinit-wrapper" style="cursor: pointer; left: 315px; opacity: 0; position: absolute; top: 338px; visibility: visible; z-index: 9999;"> <a href="http://pinterest.com/pin/create/button/?url=http://www.lovingwhenithurts.com/2014/02/refusing-remedy.html&media=https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj95Ix9x_VphwNv9YVypq_UXPTP0HDW3QwfA4T_1RH6vmzd41voct7_A2voYD7xmHpQf4XC_8ugE3VUCr4Gjvx56i3FEk9L0CNk5OzXjIjFr2HRUEuYVdudkh3nt4Jo7uaCrDPCrmvZQ8s/s1600/refusingtheremedy.jpg&description=Refusing%20The%20Remedy" style="color: #888888; display: block; outline: none; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank"><img class="pinimg" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZlASeEbCmEESnVP4JFIibgH6_4KNLnICUdXCGCJBDXp5u-WMHJPqpvhdSzmJKKIRAg7ZJtFUF-0NKw0s0uQ8FeAWcLuGZ4bA14MZNMRtpewg7pv9sIXOj0CqZZQJLXIH42NnlHsa8q0oy/s1600/pinterestx1_72.png" style="-webkit-box-shadow: none; background: transparent; border: 0px; box-shadow: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: relative;" title="Pin on Pinterest" /></a></div> </div> <br />If you've ever had a baby with a fever, or a child with a relentless cough, you may be able to relate to this. Remember the dread that filled you at the thought of having to coerce your sick little one into swallowing just a little bit of medicine? Maybe your kids were kinder to you than mine, but none of my four children took medicine well. They dribbled it down their chin, spit it back in my face, and sometimes gagged to the point of vomiting. It was dreadful. Nothing filled me with more dread than having to give my children medicine.<br /><br />Even though I knew it was good for them, and that they needed it, I hated that aspect of motherhood.<br /><br />When I was pregnant, I needed blood thinners so that I did not develop a blood clot. And there wasn't a pill that I could take that wouldn't be harmful to the babies growing inside of me. So the only option was an injection. Twice a day, I had to give myself a shot in my stomach. More accurately, because I was too scared, my husband had to administer the blood thinner. We both hated it. Him because he knew it hurt me. Me because, well, it hurt me! The shot itself wasn't painful, but the medication would spread through my stomach and burn. It was awful. And if you add up my pregnancies, I had to do this daily for 36 long months.<br /><br />My husband hates medicine. He has this odd attitude towards pills. He'll take Nyquil without hesitation (as long as it's the liquid), but when it comes to medicine for headaches or upset stomach, or heaven forbid I suggest he mix cold medicine with a pain reliever/fever reducer, I've gone mad!<br /><br />While celebrating my birthday last weekend, Kris and I got to talking about medicine. And this thought came to me.<br /><br /><b>We so often refuse the remedy for our pain.</b><br /><br />Think about it. In all of the situations I wrote about above, there was a dread or dislike. While we understood the good that the medicine would bring, we still resisted. It was easier to hope the babies just got better after barely ingesting any of the medicine they repeatedly spit out. It was less painful in the moment to hope I didn't get a blood clot than to be consistent with the Lovenox injections. For Kris, sometimes it's more convenient to avoid getting up to get the Ibuprofen and suffer through a headache, when there is absolutely no reason that he should have to.<br /><br />And it occurred to me that this is the very thing I have been doing. Spiritually.<br /><br />I live with chronic pain as I've mentioned many times before. And at the age of 35, I feel as if I am 85. I'm never not in some degree of pain. I've mostly come to terms with it. I want relief, of course I do. But when I question why I must endure it, and I think of all the other people who are worse off than I am, it doesn't seem right to complain. And when I get real with God about it, I don't doubt that he <i>can</i> heal me. I believe that he <i>can</i> take my pain away. And yet, I won't surrender the pain fully to him.<br /><br /><b>Because I believe that he <i>WON'T</i>.</b><br /><br />Not that he can't.<br /><br />That he will choose not to.<br /><br />In a way, I am refusing the remedy for my pain. I realized last week, as Kris and I talked, that surrendering this particular situation to God completely is a form of pain relief. It is the medication that will help me long term. Will it reduce the actual physical pain? Perhaps not. But I understand now that it would give me peace in my soul, should I still have to endure it. What I finally identified is that I do not surrender this fully to God because I want complete relief from the pain. And I am afraid that God will tell me no. There it is. Stripped down to the basic truth, I'm afraid God will not give me what I want, when I want it.<br /><br /><b>In a way, I'm throwing a very calm temper tantrum in the midst of my pain.</b><br /><br />Have you ever done that?<br /><br />We want the answer or the remedy to come as soon as we ask for it. We want relief and we want it now. Sometimes we can become so focused on feeling better physically that we completely miss out on the better solution - a peace in the midst of the pain. As bad as my pain is on a day to day basis, I think it would be better to be healed emotionally than physically. I think that if I could let go of my fear that God will tell me no and ask me to endure this pain for the rest of my life, I would find true healing. I would be able to endure the pain far better with a different attitude than I am currently able to.<br /><br />I have finally come to understand that I have a severe lack of faith in this area. I don't trust God with this particular pain.<br /><br />Give him the pain of a marriage broken by pornography and adultery?<br /><br />No problem.<br /><br />But trust him with my neck and back pain?<br /><br />Easier said than done.<br /><br />I hold so tightly to it. I know that God doesn't always take away the things in our lives that hurt us. So, I have grown to accept that this pain is just part of my life. But really, that has been the cop out. You see, if I just deal with it on my own, then I don't have any motivation to rely on God.<br /><br />Where is my faith?<br /><br />Where is my trust?<br /><br />Where is my hope?<br /><br /><div class="mybible" style="background-image: url(https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhY-ZbQj5CMhrw5C0fEVuPA0MJG9BGWWJvrAXvNN8xQChNCiIdJCh7gEx0V1VusXUEumZfdkx7iH-z3syQCVISu5P9fFBAvOR02Ll-gDTcu-0SVD4UtdAvzIShujC_xJngsbBL5OzFxfYGB/s1600/bible2.jpg); background-position: 50% 50%; background-repeat: repeat; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS', cursive, sans-serif; margin: 10px 50px; padding: 25px; text-align: center; text-shadow: rgb(166, 166, 166) 2px 2px 3px;"> Show me your ways, Lord, teach me your paths. Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.<br />Psalm 25:4-5</div> </div>

Refusing The Remedy

Motherhood is rewarding. Having children can bring great joy to your life.But do you know what I used to hate when my kids were little?Medicine. If you've ever had a baby with a fever, or a child with a relentless cough, you may be able to relate to…

Read more »

Locusts

<h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name" style="background-color: white; color: #440002; font-family: Slackey; font-size: 36px; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; margin: 0.75em 0px 0px; position: relative;"> <span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 15.3999996185303px; line-height: 1.4;">There is a question out there that I want to speak to, because #1. I know the answer and #2. It is a question that entirely too many people are asking themselves and others, desperate for an answer.</span></h3> <div class="post-body entry-content" id="post-body-8506086786244987371" itemprop="description articleBody" style="background-color: white; color: #440002; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 15.3999996185303px; line-height: 1.4; position: relative; width: 702px;"> <div dir="ltr" trbidi="on"> <br /><strong>"Does my prodigal spouse realize the mess they have created?"</strong><br /><br />The answer to this question is both simple and complex.<br /><br />I've heard it a lot in the last several months. Those hurting right now because their spouse has been unfaithful, or is an alocholic, or porn addict-this is the question they want answered. They want to know why their spouses are seemingly so much happier than they are, even though their spouse is the one living in sin. I don't propose to have an answer to the why of that, but I do understand how a prodigal's mind works. I know what it is like to be in the shoes of the prodigal who is living in sin and darkness.<br /><br /><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="more"></a><br /><br />Did I realize the mess I had created?<br /><br />Yes, to some extent I did. Not in a way that would make me acknowledge it on my own. But when forced to face reality and take a deep look at my life, I did see what a mess I had made of things. How I had ruined my marriage. How I had messed everything up. In the midst of my sin, I knew the harm I would be causing my husband and kids if they knew all my secrets.<br /><br />It is something I wrestled with, in the middle of my mess. But the sin and darkness beckoned me. It had a hold on me that I alone could not break free of. I could see that what I was doing was ripping my family apart. I could admit that I had messed up big time, and that I was hurting so many people.<br /><br />But that wasn't pretty. It wasn't fun to think about.<br /><br />So instead, I pretended like I didn't care. I acted as if I could go about living two lives, and no one was being hurt. As long as no one really knew the truth, the full weight of it, then I was somehow hurting people <em>less</em>. I was able to convince myself that what I was doing wasn't affecting my loved ones.<br /><br />What they didn't know couldn't hurt them, right?<br /><br />This is where darkness brings us. It takes us to a place of complete denial. Denial about what we're doing. Denial about how our choices affect those around us, even when they don't know the details. Denial about how what we're doing is killing us.<br /><br />I can assure you that prodigal spouses, especially those who have chosen to be unfaithful to their marriage vows, do realize the mess they have created.<br /><br />But here is the problem:<br /><br />We can't admit it.<br /><br />There is too much guilt.<br /><br />Too much shame.<br /><br />Too much fear.<br /><br />What if my spouse won't love and accept me?<br /><br />What if they won't take me back?<br /><br />What if what I have done is too unforgiveable?<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjakVhsGYfjOUaxmtZpcIRBLmcBYNXESJ4VqD1rT_fcPr2fPZCHgfQod-XnT9yJqJQFO8RQ9W9oxym9rhB4ZNN0D85FGcMv2JJChfMvV53gVxXvEcsmvb4pPJDsTBME_jwMox3zPP4-k-9m/s1600/locust.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="color: #888888; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-decoration: none;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjakVhsGYfjOUaxmtZpcIRBLmcBYNXESJ4VqD1rT_fcPr2fPZCHgfQod-XnT9yJqJQFO8RQ9W9oxym9rhB4ZNN0D85FGcMv2JJChfMvV53gVxXvEcsmvb4pPJDsTBME_jwMox3zPP4-k-9m/s400/locust.jpg" style="-webkit-box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.0980392) 1px 1px 5px; background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 1px solid rgb(238, 238, 238); box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.0980392) 1px 1px 5px; padding: 5px; position: relative;" width="341" /></a></div> <br /><br />And meanwhile, our spouses are at home, weeping and crying out to God to reveal why their spouse doesn't care about them. They are left to listen to angry raging, while their spouse lashes out. Words are said. Words that cannot be changed or taken back. It is amazing to me how this vicious cycle continually plays out in marriages everywhere.<br /><br />God hasn't forsaken you.<br /><br />He doesn't want you to hurt in this way.<br /><br />He hurts with you.<br /><br />But your spouse is never going to change because you will it, or because you love them enough. They will only stop what they are doing when they understand how much God loves them, and how vitally important the Cross is to their life. When their eyes are opened to the truth, they <strong>will</strong> come home.<br /><br />And it will not be easy for them.<br /><br />There will still be guilt and shame and fear.<br /><br />But with God by their side, they will come home and deal with the mess they have made. They will choose to move forward and take risks to restore their marriage and end affairs and addiction, regardless of the outcome.<br /><br />I have so many friends who are hurting deeply. Deeper than I can imagine. We all go through struggles. And they may not look exactly like our neighbor's, but that doesn't mean it hurts any less. I think that there is a lot of good that can come out of heartache. I think that how we live <strong>through</strong> our heartache determines the kind of testimony we will have.<br /><br />If you choose to live as a result of your husband or wife's actions, rather than seeking God and allowing Him to be all that you need, I think that happiness and true joy will elude you. If, on the other hand, you are able to surrender your heart to something bigger, to serve God <em><strong>while you're waiting</strong></em>, and to love your spouse unconditionally no matter what they throw at you, you will reap a reward unlike any you could have hoped or imagined.<br /><br />I was reminded of this truth a few days ago. I don't remember exactly what Kris and I were talking about, aside from the conversation having something to do with how good God has been to us. And Kris said, "What's that verse? Something about restoring what the locust have eaten?" What an incredible verse to hold onto, in the midst of your pain and hurt and confusion. God WILL reward your faithfulness to Him. He will give you back the years that were wasted. He will restore what was lost. The love your spouse doesn't think they feel for you, or you for them, it can be redeemed. You can love again. It won't be the way it was when you first "fell" in love. It will be richer, fuller, and deeper. It will be centered at the heart of God's great love for you, and it will be unlike anything you could hope for or imagine. It will be worth the wait, worth the heartache, worth the pain.<br /><br />"I"ll make up for the years of the locust, the great locust devastation--Locusts savage, locusts deadly, fierce locusts, locusts of doom, that great locust invasion I sent your way. You'll eat your fill of good food. You'll be full of praises to your God. <strong><em>The God who has set you back on your heels in wonder</em></strong>." Joel 2:25 (The Message)<br /><br />What an amazing promise from God!!</div> </div>

Locusts

There is a question out there that I want to speak to, because #1. I know the answer and #2. It is a question that entirely too many people are asking themselves and others, desperate for an answer. "Does my prodigal spouse realize the mess they hav…

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Hosea and Gomer

<h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name" style="background-color: white; color: #440002; font-family: Slackey; font-size: 36px; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; margin: 0.75em 0px 0px; position: relative;"> <span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 15.3999996185303px; line-height: 1.4;">I can remember, while I was still hiding my prolonged affair, asking my husband if he ever got angry, thinking back to the affair he KNEW about.  He would tell me that sometimes he thought about it, but most of the time, it didn't even come to his mind.  He would also tell me, as I would be weeping thinking he MUST be only seeing "the affair" when he looked at me, that I was wrong. He didn't look at me and see the affair and feel the hurt I had caused him.  He would reassure me and tell me that he loved me and that was that.</span></h3> <div class="post-body entry-content" id="post-body-2092176348075109488" itemprop="description articleBody" style="background-color: white; color: #440002; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 15.3999996185303px; line-height: 1.4; position: relative; width: 702px;"> <div dir="ltr" trbidi="on"> <div dir="ltr" trbidi="on"> <div> <br /></div> <div> I wonder if that is just the way men are wired, or if my husband was just given an extra measure of  grace, a deeper insight of what it means to be my Hosea.  That's how I see him, by the way.  As my Hosea.  </div> <div> <br /><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="more"></a>In the Bible, God called this man named Hosea to do something that most people believe is absurd.  Hosea is one of those books that some people "throw out", like Jonah, because it's just too hard to "swallow".   My view of the Bible is that, aside from the parables Jesus told, if the Bible says something happened, it happened.  Yes, I really believe Jonah was swallowed by a large fish and spent days inside of the animal's acidic stomach, before he finally obeyed and went to Nineveh.  </div> <div> <br /></div> <div> So, I believe that there really was a man named Hosea, whom God called to do something that the majority of people would shy away from.  "When the Lord began to speak through Hosea, the Lord said to him, 'Go, marry a promiscuous woman and have children with her, for like an adulterous wife this land is guilty of unfaithfulness to the Lord.'"  <a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Hosea+1&version=NIV" style="color: #888888; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Hosea 1:2</a><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div> And I just wonder what Hosea thought.  Was he like "Sure God!  That sounds like a great idea!  Why didn't I think of that?"</div> <div> <br /></div> <div> Or was he horrified, thinking "What?!?  You want me to do what?"</div> <div> <br /></div> <div> We don't have any insight into what Hosea really thought. We just know that the following happened:</div> <div> <br /></div> <div> "So he married Gomer daughter of Diblaim, and she conceived and bore him a son."</div> <div> <br /></div> <div> Wait, what?  He just did it?  He just went out into the streets, found a woman that he knew would be unfaithful, and then he "put a ring on it"?  Was he crazy?</div> <div> <br /></div> <div> No.</div> <div> <br /></div> <div> He was obedient to God.</div> <div> <br /></div> <div> I think he had to have had a HUGE faith in God.  How else could he have done this crazy thing God had asked him to do?</div> <div> <br />Because Hosea didn't just marry a woman who <i>might</i> be unfaithful.  He married a woman that <i>would</i>be unfaithful, and as you read Hosea, you find that it was not a one time event either.</div> <div> <br /></div> <div> Don't even get me started on these poor children and the names God gave them, because of their mother's sin, and ultimately Israel's sin.  Because that was the point God was trying to make.  </div> <div> <b><br /></b></div> <div> <b>It doesn't matter how many times you screw up.  It doesn't matter how many times you stray and you are unfaithful to me.  I will NOT be unfaithful to you.  I love you and nothing you do can ever change that.</b></div> <div> <br />I find Hosea 2 both confusing and redemptive.  One of the cool things about God is that ALWAYS, in the end, there is restoration. No matter what we go through, no matter how we hurt him, there will always be a chance to be restored.  To be redeemed.  And if God is willing to do that for us, then shouldn't we also, in an effort to be more like God, respond the same way to our spouses who have been unfaithful?  And I'm talking unfaithful on many levels, through addiction, emotional adultery, physical adultery, etc...</div> <div> <br /></div> <div> Listen to how God talked to His people through <a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Hosea+2&version=NIV" style="color: #888888; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Hosea 2</a>:</div> <div> <br /><div class="mybible" style="background-image: url(https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhY-ZbQj5CMhrw5C0fEVuPA0MJG9BGWWJvrAXvNN8xQChNCiIdJCh7gEx0V1VusXUEumZfdkx7iH-z3syQCVISu5P9fFBAvOR02Ll-gDTcu-0SVD4UtdAvzIShujC_xJngsbBL5OzFxfYGB/s1600/bible2.jpg); background-position: 50% 50%; background-repeat: repeat; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS', cursive, sans-serif; margin: 10px 50px; padding: 25px; text-align: center; text-shadow: rgb(166, 166, 166) 2px 2px 3px;"> Say of your brothers, ‘My people,’ and of your sisters, ‘My loved one.’<br />2 “Rebuke your mother, rebuke her,<br />    for she is not my wife,<br />    and I am not her husband.<br />Let her remove the adulterous look from her face<br />    and the unfaithfulness from between her breasts.<br />3 Otherwise I will strip her naked<br />    and make her as bare as on the day she was born;<br />I will make her like a desert,<br />    turn her into a parched land,<br />    and slay her with thirst.<br />4 I will not show my love to her children,<br />    because they are the children of adultery.<br />5 Their mother has been unfaithful<br />    and has conceived them in disgrace.<br />She said, ‘I will go after my lovers,<br />    who give me my food and my water,<br />    my wool and my linen, my olive oil and my drink.’<br />6 Therefore I will block her path with thorn bushes;<br />    I will wall her in so that she cannot find her way.<br />7 She will chase after her lovers but not catch them;<br />    she will look for them but not find them.<br />Then she will say,<br />    ‘I will go back to my husband as at first,<br />    for then I was better off than now.’<br />8 She has not acknowledged that I was the one<br />    who gave her the grain, the new wine and oil,<br />who lavished on her the silver and gold—<br />    which they used for Baal.<br />9 “Therefore I will take away my grain when it ripens,<br />    and my new wine when it is ready.<br />I will take back my wool and my linen,<br />    intended to cover her naked body.<br />10 So now I will expose her lewdness<br />    before the eyes of her lovers;<br />    no one will take her out of my hands.<br />11 I will stop all her celebrations:<br />    her yearly festivals, her New Moons,<br />    her Sabbath days—all her appointed festivals.<br />12 I will ruin her vines and her fig trees,<br />    which she said were her pay from her lovers;<br />I will make them a thicket,<br />    and wild animals will devour them.<br />13 I will punish her for the days<br />    she burned incense to the Baals;<br />she decked herself with rings and jewelry,<br />    and went after her lovers,<br />    but me she forgot,”<br />declares the Lord.<br />14 “Therefore I am now going to allure her;<br />    I will lead her into the wilderness<br />    and speak tenderly to her.<br />15 There I will give her back her vineyards,<br />    and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope.<br />There she will respond as in the days of her youth,<br />    as in the day she came up out of Egypt.<br />16 “In that day,” declares the Lord,<br />    “you will call me ‘my husband’;<br />    you will no longer call me ‘my master.’<br />17 I will remove the names of the Baals from her lips;<br />    no longer will their names be invoked.<br />18 In that day I will make a covenant for them<br />    with the beasts of the field, the birds in the sky<br />    and the creatures that move along the ground.<br />Bow and sword and battle<br />    I will abolish from the land,<br />    so that all may lie down in safety.<br />19 I will betroth you to me forever;<br />    I will betroth you in righteousness and justice,<br />    in love and compassion.<br />20 I will betroth you in faithfulness,<br />    and you will acknowledge the Lord.<br />21 “In that day I will respond,”<br />    declares the Lord—<br />“I will respond to the skies,<br />    and they will respond to the earth;<br />22 and the earth will respond to the grain,<br />    the new wine and the olive oil,<br />    and they will respond to Jezreel.<br />23 I will plant her for myself in the land;<br />    I will show my love to the one I called ‘Not my loved one.’<br />I will say to those called ‘Not my people,’ ‘You are my people’;<br />    and they will say, ‘You are my God.’</div> <br /></div> </div> <b>Is anyone else thinking "Yeah, that's kind of hard to take in, God"?</b><br /><b><br /></b>But it boils down to this.  And THIS is the truth, so it bears repeating.<br /><br /><div> <b>It doesn't matter how many times you screw up.  It doesn't matter how many times you stray and you are unfaithful to me.  I will NOT be unfaithful to you.  I love you and nothing you do can ever change that.</b></div> <div> <br /></div> <div> I could really relate to verses 5-7.  Well, except that all of my children were conceived by my husband (thank God!).  But the part about how Gomer was dissatisfied and wanted to go after the men who had given her gifts and "treasures".  Men who made her feel better about herself and her life of sin.  </div> <div> <br /></div> <div> <b><i>Sinful men will not encourage sinful women to be holy.  Just as sinful women will not encourage sinful men to be holy.</i></b></div> <div> <br /></div> <div> "Christians" become entangled in affairs ALL THE TIME, and because we (as sinners) like the darkness, we do not encourage those who are in darkness with us to seek the light.  We don't want their deeds exposed, because we don't want our deeds exposed.  </div> <div> <br /></div> <div> And if there is anything I have learned from my mistakes and my own infidelity, it is that there was no way I was going to encourage my co-conspirator to change his ways, to seek God, and go home to his wife.  I was perfectly content for us both to stay in the dark.  If he stayed in the dark, then I could continue to be in the dark.  And I wanted to stay in the dark!</div> <div> <br /></div> <div> <b>Because the enemy had whispered lies in my head, convincing me that staying in the dark was EASIER and SAFER than coming into the light.</b></div> <div> <div> <br /></div> <div> And I also find it interesting that Gomer reasoned out that when God blocked her way to her lovers, she chose to go home to her husband because she felt that she would be better off with Hosea, than she was currently.  Her path barred, she went back to a man that she knew would take her back.</div> <div> <br /></div> <div> God indeed blocked my way back to my lover.  Not seven years ago.  Seven years ago, he allowed me the free will to CHOOSE to go back to this man.  And He continued to tolerate it for a long time.  When He had finally had enough, he DID block my way.  </div> <div> <br /></div> <div> By way of exposing the darkness.</div> <div> <br /></div> <div> By way of showing Kris the truth about how I had been living.  </div> <div> <br /></div> <div> I feel like God was tired of me going back to that adulterous life time and time again, and He simply put His foot down and said "I will block her path."</div> <div> <br /></div> <div> Not because He controls me.  </div> <div> <br /></div> <div> Not because He wanted to take my free will away.</div> <div> <br /></div> <div> But because He LOVED me.  </div> <div> <br /></div> <div> He was tired of seeing me hurt.  </div> <div> <br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi63OXvGCA_jngSWVS9qOJ8IqzROBk-qPeXgu0jmpiEkdD6uWphbiYhWW_QIB9W8gzaMFhBIH_jriPHUOWVdE4CVYU-IPHLVhkw8Bcr7xJaqrD84kRXOXFP5zRoD2yptfQvI0ewTPVj9Z2y/s1600/hoseaandgomer.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="color: #888888; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-decoration: none;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi63OXvGCA_jngSWVS9qOJ8IqzROBk-qPeXgu0jmpiEkdD6uWphbiYhWW_QIB9W8gzaMFhBIH_jriPHUOWVdE4CVYU-IPHLVhkw8Bcr7xJaqrD84kRXOXFP5zRoD2yptfQvI0ewTPVj9Z2y/s400/hoseaandgomer.jpg" style="-webkit-box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.0980392) 1px 1px 5px; background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 1px solid rgb(238, 238, 238); box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.0980392) 1px 1px 5px; padding: 5px; position: relative;" width="400" /></a></div> <br /></div> <div> He was tired of watching me choose a life that did nothing but bring pain and anguish to everyone involved.  I was not only harming myself.  I was also harming the man I was choosing to hide in the dark with, his wife, and my own husband.  AND the children!  </div> <div> <br /></div> <div> Do you think my children didn't suffer because I wasn't fully THERE?  I was not the mother I could have been during those seven years.  I spent more time trying to get out of the house to be with this man than I spent trying to care for my children, let alone teach them what a Godly home and marriage look like.</div> <div> <br /></div> <div> And I have to admit something else here.  When I left home back in February, I was not going to choose to go home simply because I knew Kris loved me and would forgive me and life would be better than it was alone.  I very specifically wanted to be sure that my decision to go home was based on a DESIRE to go home and fight for my marriage, not simply to go home because it was a better life than the life in the darkness provided, or an empty life without the darkness.  </div> <div> <br /></div> <div> This was a very strong point for me.  I would not choose to go home because it would be easier than being alone.  I would not choose to go home because I thought it would be better than wandering around aimlessly trying to find purpose and meaning in my life.</div> <div> <br /></div> <div> If I was going to go home, it was going to be because I WANTED to go home.  </div> <div> <br /></div> <div> To my husband.  </div> <div> <br /></div> <div> To my children.  </div> <div> <br /></div> <div> To fight for my marriage and to rebuild what Kris' pornography addiction and my life of adultery had torn down.</div> <div> <br /></div> <div> I went home to my husband in February, and to my Savior in April.  Those are the two best decisions I have ever made in my life.  </div> <div> <br /></div> <div> And now, I CAN teach my children what a Godly home and marriage look like.  I think often about how Kris and I interact now.  And sure, maybe the kids gasp and say "Eww..." when we kiss in front of them (except the youngest two because they're romantics and love a good kissing scene).  </div> <div> <br /></div> <div> But I don't care.  </div> <div> <br /></div> <div> THIS is what a healthy marriage looks like.  </div> <div> <br /></div> <div> We love each other.  </div> <div> <br /></div> <div> We are affectionate to one another.  Quite often!</div> <div> <br /></div> <div> And I know that while the older ones roll their eyes and want to say "Get a room!", we are teaching them something vital.  Something that they will take with them into their adulthood and their own marriages.</div> <div> <br /></div> <div> We are teaching them that we were very broken (we have told them as much), and that God brought us back together and we chose to fight for marriage.  </div> <div> <br /></div> <div> Because it's worth it.  </div> <div> <br /></div> <div> Because THEY, as our children, deserve to see what a marriage is supposed to look like.  Not what it was.  But what it is now.  We are showing them that in the worst of circumstances, we chose each other.  And we chose God.  And this transformation in our lives and our marriage will stay with them through their entire lives.</div> <div> <br /></div> <div> Sometimes I think about why God waited so long to expose my sin.  It's all about timing.  I love that song "Timing Is Everything."  </div> <div> <br /></div> <div> If our children had been toddlers still when this transformation took place in our marriage, they would have missed something important that I think God wanted them to learn.  They are 12, 11, 10 and 7 now.  They are learning and growing and understand many things.  </div> <div> <br /></div> <div> And I think that sometimes God chose this timing to bring the darkness to light so that for generations to come, this family will choose to stay and fight.  This family will understand that it might be hard and it might be painful, but in the end...</div> <div> <br /></div> <div> ...it is ALL WORTH IT!</div> </div> </div> </div>

Hosea and Gomer

I can remember, while I was still hiding my prolonged affair, asking my husband if he ever got angry, thinking back to the affair he KNEW about.  He would tell me that sometimes he thought about it, but most of the time, it didn't even come to his m…

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Make Up Sex = Emotional Sex

<h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name" style="background-color: white; color: #440002; font-family: Slackey; font-size: 36px; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; margin: 0.75em 0px 0px; position: relative;"> <span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 15.3999996185303px; line-height: 1.4;">Most adults know what I'm talking about when I say "make up sex."  If you have ever fought with your significant other and then later made peace, you understand the feelings of desire that rise up after a big fight.  Once the conflict has been resolved, it is not uncommon for a couple to experience intense longing for each other that ultimately leads to the ever-popular make up sex, which (for us) has always been the most enjoyable sex of our marriage.</span></h3> <div class="post-body entry-content" id="post-body-433847152951129902" itemprop="description articleBody" style="background-color: white; color: #440002; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 15.3999996185303px; line-height: 1.4; position: relative; width: 702px;"> <div dir="ltr" trbidi="on"> <b><br /></b><b>I'm not going to be bashful about this: I enjoy sex.</b><br /><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="more"></a><br />I know that a large number of women struggle with the issue of sex.  While I have my own hangups, primarily the pressure I put on myself to be "in the mood" at any given moment, enjoying sex is not an issue for me.  I like sex and  I believe that God designed sex for many different reasons, ranging from binding a man and woman together (like a seal on a document) to stress relief and relaxation.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhki0xV-PpLcMvAjTHmBipFv9DOZbSe_gYknFNM-bPg9XJAa_vM_fgJIWpFY18Vz3e0RWv_IfU0mZNtwsAc_dcEHofRvWCHKaOE_OoqqpejZJLD_wr6-rUdFa_IUxazvqutyzxXW7hqNccd/s1600/makeupsex.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="color: #888888; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-decoration: none;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhki0xV-PpLcMvAjTHmBipFv9DOZbSe_gYknFNM-bPg9XJAa_vM_fgJIWpFY18Vz3e0RWv_IfU0mZNtwsAc_dcEHofRvWCHKaOE_OoqqpejZJLD_wr6-rUdFa_IUxazvqutyzxXW7hqNccd/s400/makeupsex.jpg" style="-webkit-box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.0980392) 1px 1px 5px; background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 1px solid rgb(238, 238, 238); box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.0980392) 1px 1px 5px; padding: 5px; position: relative;" width="400" /></a><div class="pinit-wrapper" style="cursor: pointer; left: 315px; opacity: 0; position: absolute; top: 443px; visibility: visible; z-index: 9999;"> <a href="http://pinterest.com/pin/create/button/?url=http://www.lovingwhenithurts.com/2013/09/make-up-sex-emotional-sex.html&media=https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhki0xV-PpLcMvAjTHmBipFv9DOZbSe_gYknFNM-bPg9XJAa_vM_fgJIWpFY18Vz3e0RWv_IfU0mZNtwsAc_dcEHofRvWCHKaOE_OoqqpejZJLD_wr6-rUdFa_IUxazvqutyzxXW7hqNccd/s400/makeupsex.jpg&description=Make%20Up%20Sex%20=%20Emotional%20Sex" style="color: #888888; display: block; outline: none; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank"><img class="pinimg" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZlASeEbCmEESnVP4JFIibgH6_4KNLnICUdXCGCJBDXp5u-WMHJPqpvhdSzmJKKIRAg7ZJtFUF-0NKw0s0uQ8FeAWcLuGZ4bA14MZNMRtpewg7pv9sIXOj0CqZZQJLXIH42NnlHsa8q0oy/s1600/pinterestx1_72.png" style="-webkit-box-shadow: none; background: transparent; border: 0px; box-shadow: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: relative;" title="Pin on Pinterest" /></a></div> </div> <br /><br />While in and of itself sex is a physical act, no matter who you are with, you create an emotional bond with anyone that you have sex with.<br /><b><br /></b><b style="font-size: x-large;">Sin's presence in this world has corrupted God's perfect plan for sex, and many of us are walking around carrying some degree of emotional connection with multiple people.</b><span style="font-size: medium;">  </span><br /><br />My husband even, though he has not physically had sex with another person, has given himself emotionally to other women through pornography.<br /><br /><div class="mybible" style="background-image: url(https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhY-ZbQj5CMhrw5C0fEVuPA0MJG9BGWWJvrAXvNN8xQChNCiIdJCh7gEx0V1VusXUEumZfdkx7iH-z3syQCVISu5P9fFBAvOR02Ll-gDTcu-0SVD4UtdAvzIShujC_xJngsbBL5OzFxfYGB/s1600/bible2.jpg); background-position: 50% 50%; background-repeat: repeat; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS', cursive, sans-serif; margin: 10px 50px; padding: 25px; text-align: center; text-shadow: rgb(166, 166, 166) 2px 2px 3px;"> Your spring water is for you and you only,<br />    not to be passed around among strangers.<br />Bless your fresh-flowing fountain!<br />    Enjoy the wife you married as a young man!<br />Lovely as an angel, beautiful as a rose—<br />    don’t ever quit taking delight in her body.<br />    Never take her love for granted!<br />Why would you trade enduring intimacies for cheap thrills with a whore?<br />    for dalliance with a promiscuous stranger?<br />Proverbs 5:17-20</div> <br />It is natural to connect emotionally to another through sex.   It is the way we were designed.  With that said, we sometimes find ourselves focusing on the physical act rather than the emotional connection.  Within marriage, we are encouraged to have sex with our spouse.  <i>If you are a woman</i>, it is not just because God desires you to gratify your husband's natural desire for physical pleasure.  <i>If you're a man</i>, sex isn't something for you to just receive pleasure.  Rather, it is a way for you to emotionally connect with your wife, which serves to build her up and develop intimacy between you.<br /><br /><b>While sex does involve giving and receiving pleasure, that is not the ultimate purpose.</b>  I see the physical pleasure as an added bonus.  It is possible to have sex without ever thinking about the emotional bond that it creates; but emotional sex is so much more than the simple act of intercourse.  It takes the relationship with your spouse to an entirely new level; one that fills you with contentment and joy and love.  It allows you to feel complete and you experience a closeness that only comes from taking sex beyond a simple physical act and connecting to your spouse on an entirely new, more intimate level.<br /><br />It is only now, through the restoration of our marriage, that Kris and I are experiencing true intimacy.  In the past, we had make up sex after conflict.  And even in the midst of our own sins and addictions, when we worked through whatever the problem was, we were closer to one another for a time.  Even living hidden lives, Kris and I were always friends.  We still fought, and we still made up.  But it didn't last.  It didn't endure.  The intimacy that we experience now, living in the light with nothing to hide from one another, sustains us longer.  I suspect that striving to maintain that level of intimacy is a good thing in a healthy marriage.  It seems that, like our <b>feelings </b>of love go through cycles, the level of intimacy will move up and down as life happens.  It is good to strive for that deep intimacy that make up sex brings, but I think we have to recognize that it is an ebb and flow; and more than trying to force the intimacy, we need to fully appreciate the moments when we feel as if our hearts are completely entwined.  In an email to me recently, Kris wrote:<br /><br /><div class="myquotes" style="background-image: url(https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZ2GTKc5CDyZEUBPCHdwnAkJ6vILjLjve15S17TTzEEx_rscBd-pwOzB_lkRKAtvFSt3sathqt1x3eIsZHDiic0M0N9oIi5QS6YdmVyWT_G9DgrMNsU4uLT4EcvxcB1uGNrZ8QN0nshLzy/s1600/callig.jpg); background-position: 50% 50%; background-repeat: repeat; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS', cursive, sans-serif; margin: 10px 50px; padding: 25px; text-align: center; text-shadow: rgb(166, 166, 166) 2px 2px 3px;"> I just wanted to let you know that last night was absolutely amazing.  And I'm not just talking about the sex.  I loved spending time and talking to you.  I felt like we connected in a deep way, and it filled me in a way that I didn't even know I needed.</div> <br /><br />In a perfect world, without sin, it would be feasible to always maintain that deep level of intimacy with one another.  But I realize that there are, more often, times in our life together where sex is less intimate and more physical.  Less driven by emotion than pleasure.  And I think that is okay.  We can still experience closeness and growth, but it will be dim in comparison to what we experience when we are truly connected on every level.<br /><br />When your emotions are at their rawest and your heart is laid bare--leaving you completely vulnerable--you are in the best place to experience unbelievable connection and closeness.  I believe that God's true purpose for sex was all about emotional intimacy with someone else; and what we have coined "make up sex" has a unique design and purpose for strengthening our relationship with one another.  God knew that our marriages would face conflict.  Tensions would mount and fights were inevitable.  Yet God also gave us this incredible gift of sex, and designed our bodies to have a stronger desire to be physically intimate with each other after conflict, as if He knew we would need a tangible way to say, "I'm sorry.  Let's begin again.  I love you and desire to be closer to you."</div> </div>

Make Up Sex = Emotional Sex

Most adults know what I'm talking about when I say "make up sex."  If you have ever fought with your significant other and then later made peace, you understand the feelings of desire that rise up after a big fight.  Once the conflict has been resol…

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