WHY LOVE

25 Valentine’s Day Ideas for Couples

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      Here are some creative ways to tell your spouse, “I love you.”
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<span style="font-size: small;">Is it more important to love … or to be loved?</span>
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<span style="font-size: small;"></span><span style="font-size: small;">Most of us would agree with George Eliot’s words, “I like not only to be loved, but also to be told I am loved.”</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><span style="font-size: small;">Valentine’s Day is the occasion when you can experience both. We 
asked FamilyLife Facebook friends and e-mail readers to share some of 
their favorite Valentine’s Day ideas.  </span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><span style="font-size: small;">With a little help from our friends, here are 25 creative ways to tell your spouse, “I love you.”</span><br />
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</span><span style="font-size: small;"><strong>1.</strong> On small pieces of paper, write down every kind 
of kiss that you can think of (examples: passionate, on the cheek, 
etc.). Then fill an inexpensive red felt bag with your “kisses” and give
 it to your spouse. Ask your spouse to pull several pieces of paper from
 the felt bag, and then give your sweetheart whatever kind of kiss is 
described.  </span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><span style="font-size: small;"><strong>2.</strong> Make a book about why you love your spouse and 
why you are thankful for him/her. The woman who sent this idea wrote, 
“He loved it! Said it was the best gift he has ever gotten. And it 
helped me to focus on the things I love about my husband and not his 
shortcomings.”</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><span style="font-size: small;"><strong>3.</strong> Take your sweetie on a scavenger hunt. Ask 
him/her to answer riddles to find the clues to items that you placed 
somewhere around town. The last item should give instructions that lead 
to your Valentine’s Day activities.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><span style="font-size: small;"><strong>4.</strong> After enjoying a candlelight dinner for two at 
home, give your spouse a massage and watch a romantic movie. The woman 
who suggested this wrote, “Last Valentine’s Day when I got home from 
work, my husband … had our bedroom set up with a candlelit table for 
two. He is NOT a cook but he made an awesome meal … grilled steak, 
sautéed shrimp in lemon, garlic, and butter, a vegetable, and [he] 
bought a chocolate fountain that was flowing—surrounded by fresh fruit 
for dipping. After dinner he led me over to his homemade massage table. …
 We ended our special night with a romantic movie.”</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><span style="font-size: small;"><strong>5.</strong> Surprise your spouse with a special getaway 
together. The man who suggested this made reservations at a bed and 
breakfast, arranged for childcare, asked for time off from work for 
himself and his wife, and packed his and her bags. When he asked his 
wife to go to lunch on Valentine’s Day she was in for a wonderful 
surprise. “The little bit of effort I put into that weekend paid off 
huge for weeks to come.” (For an extra  special experience, take your 
spouse to one of FamilyLife's <a href="http://www.familylife.com/weekendtoremember2015" target="_blank">Weekend to Remember® marriage getaways</a>.  It's one of the best investments you could make in your marriage. <a href="http://www.familylife.com/weekendtoremember2015/findyourgetaway" target="_blank">Find an event</a> near you.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><span style="font-size: small;"><strong>6.</strong> Give your wife a dozen roses. On each stem attach
 a note for a future date—to do something that she would enjoy. (For 
example, “Go to the symphony.”)</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><span style="font-size: small;"><strong>7.</strong> If possible, go on a date with your spouse to a 
restaurant that you enjoyed when you first met. After you order your 
meal, take some time to write down favorite memories from the past year.
 Then share your lists.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><span style="font-size: small;"><strong>8.</strong> Have 11 roses delivered to your wife, and then give her a 12th yourself while reading her a love poem.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><span style="font-size: small;"><strong>9.</strong> Fill a large box with helium balloons and special
 gifts for Valentine’s Day. The woman who suggested this said that her 
gifts included “new sleep shorts for him and a new nightgown for me, a 
box of chocolate-covered strawberries and red napkins ... some new 
candles, and a romantic CD. He got the hint. And loved the weekend.”</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><span style="font-size: small;"><strong>10.</strong> Create an intimate Valentine’s Day evening at 
home, without the children. The woman who suggested this idea said that 
she and her husband “enjoyed planning the menu, shopping for the meal, 
and ultimately preparing the meal together. Cooking to soft, romantic 
music can really be a turn on! While dining, the same soft, romantic 
music is a wonderful mood-setter. Dinner was followed by just the two of
 us having the whole dance floor, our den, to ourselves. I won’t say 
what all this led to, but it was a truly romantic night that would not 
have happened at the local restaurant!”</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><span style="font-size: small;"><strong>11.</strong> Order food from a take-out restaurant and have a
 picnic for all the Valentines in your family on your living room floor.
 The person who suggested this said, “The kids look forward to this 
every year. When we tried to change it, they wouldn’t allow it ... it 
has become a tradition. The kids see the value of family and a loving 
marriage.”</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">

</span><span style="font-size: small;"><strong>12.</strong> Privacy and weather permitting, watch a romantic movie on your deck or patio. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><span style="font-size: small;"><strong>13</strong>. If you are separated across the miles, send a care package filled with things that are red.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><span style="font-size: small;"><strong>14.</strong> Make a meal with symbols of love. Examples: Write I love you with string beans, make a tart in the shape of a heart …</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><span style="font-size: small;"><strong>15.</strong> Hide little heart candies in your spouse’s 
shoes, coat, car, etc. The woman who suggested this said that she’s been
 doing this for decades. “Now a couple of the grandkids help me with 
delight.”</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><span style="font-size: small;"><strong>16.</strong> Wives, show up at your husband’s office before 
lunch. Call him from the parking lot and tell him you are going to take 
him for a lunch rendezvous and that you will be waiting for him whenever
 he can take a break. Wear a nice outfit and tell him you have something
 sexy on underneath for when he gets home. Take him to a nice place for 
lunch and back to the office. Give him some great kisses telling him how
 glad you are to be married to him, and tell him you will be waiting for
 him when he gets home.  </span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><span style="font-size: small;"><strong>17.</strong> Fill a jar with Valentine candy and notes for 
your spouse. Examples of notes are: Good for a backrub, 10 kisses, etc. 
Notes could also express your love and respect: “I am so glad that God 
blessed my life with such a great husband like you.” Individually roll 
each note and tie it with a ribbon.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><span style="font-size: small;"><strong>18.</strong> Surprise your spouse by taking a vacation day 
from work and enjoy Valentine’s Day at home. Have a relaxing morning 
together on the porch, deck, or patio. Then go to a favorite restaurant 
for lunch. The man who suggested this idea had also reserved a spa 
treatment and tanning session for his wife. “While she was doing that,” 
he says, “I went home and made her a special dinner.”</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><span style="font-size: small;"><strong>19.</strong> Write a poem for your spouse and frame it.  </span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><span style="font-size: small;"><strong>20.</strong> On individual note cards, write why you love 
your spouse. Insert these cards in a small photo album. The woman who 
suggested this idea began her album with a honeymoon picture and 
introductory note card, and ended it with a love note.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><span style="font-size: small;"><strong>21.</strong> Surprise your husband when he comes home from 
work on February 14. Place a welcome sign on the kitchen table and leave
 a trail of red foil-wrapped Hershey kisses to your bedroom. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div style="margin-bottom: 16pt;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><strong>22.</strong> With roses in hand 
and permission from your wife’s boss, go to her workplace and read a 
love poem to her. The woman who shared this idea said, “I am a teacher 
in an inner-city school. Last year my husband dressed in my favorite 
suit and tie, came to my school with roses in hand. He got permission 
and assistance from the office staff to open the speaker system into my 
classroom and proceeded to read a long and beautiful love poem to me. He
 then came to my classroom and presented me with the bouquet of roses 
which I received while wiping my tears of joy and love for this 
wonderful man whom I have been married to for just under 30 years.”</span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div style="margin-bottom: 16pt;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><strong>23.</strong> Make a special “14 
Reasons I Love You” Valentine’s Day breakfast for your sweetheart. On 
his/her plate, leave a letter or card listing 14 reasons that you love 
your spouse.</span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><span style="font-size: small;"><strong>24.</strong> If possible, send a card postmarked in a town 
that has a romantic name such as Loveland, Colorado; Valentine, Texas; 
or Romance, Arkansas. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><span style="font-size: small;"><strong>25.</strong> After your spouse goes to bed, tape notes to his
 car’s steering wheel with reasons that you love him, or decorate the 
bathroom mirror with lipstick kisses or Valentine’s window clings.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><span style="font-size: small;">Have fun on February 14, and remember: Love is not meant to be given 
and received just  on Valentine’s Day. Instead, it’s to be practiced 
every single day of the entire year.</span><br />
<br />
 <img alt="" src="https://shawglobalnews.files.wordpress.com/2016/02/paper-umbrella-love-notes00000000.jpg?quality=70&strip=all&w=256&h=144&crop=1" /><br />
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STORIES 25 Valentine’s Day Ideas for Couples

Here are some creative ways to tell your spouse, “I love you.” ...

History of Valentine’s Day

22:33 0

Every February 14, across the United States and in other places around 
the world, candy, flowers and gifts are exchanged between loved ones, 
all in the name of St. Valentine. But who is this mysterious saint, and 
where did these traditions come from? Find out about the history of this
 centuries-old holiday, from ancient Roman rituals to the customs of 
Victorian England.<br />
<br />
<img class="grv_article_img grv_positionable grv_full_height" src="http://thumby.grvcdn.com/t/250x200/North/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.history.com%2Fs3static%2Fvideo-thumbnails%2FAETN-History_VMS%2F928%2F507%2FHistory_BYDK_Valentines_Day_SF_small_240x160.jpg" style="left: -25px;" title="Bet You Didn't Know: Valentine's Day" /> <br />
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  <div class="accordion-group">
 <h2 class="section-head accordion-toggle collapsed" data-toggle="collapse" href="http://www.history.com/topics/valentines-day/history-of-valentines-day#section_1">
The Legend of St. Valentine     </h2>
<div class="section-group collapse" id="section_1">
The history of Valentine’s Day–and the story of its patron saint–is 
shrouded in mystery. We do know that February has long been celebrated 
as a month of romance, and that St. Valentine’s Day, as we know it 
today, contains vestiges of both Christian and ancient Roman tradition. 
But who was Saint Valentine, and how did he become associated with this 
ancient rite?<br />

<aside class="trivia"><h5>
Did You Know?</h5>
Approximately 150 
million Valentine's Day cards are exchanged annually, making Valentine's
 Day the second most popular card-sending holiday after Christmas.</aside>The
 Catholic Church recognizes at least three different saints named 
Valentine or Valentinus, all of whom were martyred. One legend contends 
that Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome.
 When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers 
than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men. 
Valentine, realizing the injustice of the decree, defied Claudius and 
continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret. When 
Valentine’s actions were discovered, Claudius ordered that he be put to 
death.<br />

Other stories suggest that Valentine may have been killed for 
attempting to help Christians escape harsh Roman prisons, where they 
were often beaten and tortured. According to one legend, an imprisoned 
Valentine actually sent the first “valentine” greeting himself after he 
fell in love with a young girl–possibly his jailor’s daughter–who 
visited him during his confinement. Before his death, it is alleged that
 he wrote her a letter signed “From your Valentine,” an expression that 
is still in use today. Although the truth behind the Valentine legends 
is murky, the stories all emphasize his appeal as a sympathetic, heroic 
and–most importantly–romantic figure. By the <a data-id="144487" data-type="topics" href="http://www.history.com/topics/middle-ages">Middle Ages</a>, perhaps thanks to this reputation, Valentine would become one of the most popular saints in England and France.<br />

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<div class="accordion-group">
 <h2 class="section-head accordion-toggle collapsed" data-toggle="collapse" href="http://www.history.com/topics/valentines-day/history-of-valentines-day#section_2">
Origins of Valentine’s Day: A Pagan Festival in February     </h2>
<div class="section-group collapse" id="section_2">
While some believe that Valentine’s Day is celebrated in the middle 
of February to commemorate the anniversary of Valentine’s death or 
burial–which probably occurred around A.D. 270–others claim that the 
Christian church may have decided to place St. Valentine’s feast day in 
the middle of February in an effort to “Christianize” the pagan 
celebration of Lupercalia. Celebrated at the ides of February, or 
February 15, Lupercalia was a fertility festival dedicated to Faunus, 
the Roman god of agriculture, as well as to the Roman founders Romulus 
and Remus.<br />

To begin the festival, members of the Luperci, an order of Roman 
priests, would gather at a sacred cave where the infants Romulus and 
Remus, the founders of Rome, were believed to have been cared for by a 
she-wolf or lupa. The priests would sacrifice a goat, for fertility, and
 a dog, for purification. They would then strip the goat’s hide into 
strips, dip them into the sacrificial blood and take to the streets, 
gently slapping both women and crop fields with the goat hide. Far from 
being fearful, Roman women welcomed the touch of the hides because it 
was believed to make them more fertile in the coming year. Later in the 
day, according to legend, all the young women in the city would place 
their names in a big urn. The city’s bachelors would each choose a name 
and become paired for the year with his chosen woman. These matches 
often ended in marriage.<br />

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</div>
<div class="accordion-group">
 <h2 class="section-head accordion-toggle collapsed" data-toggle="collapse" href="http://www.history.com/topics/valentines-day/history-of-valentines-day#section_3">
Valentine’s Day: A Day of Romance     </h2>
<div class="section-group collapse" id="section_3">
Lupercalia survived the initial rise of Christianity and but was 
outlawed—as it was deemed “un-Christian”–at the end of the 5th century, 
when Pope Gelasius declared February 14 St. Valentine’s Day. It was not 
until much later, however, that the day became definitively associated 
with love. During the Middle Ages, it was commonly believed in France 
and England that February 14 was the beginning of birds’ mating season, 
which added to the idea that the middle of Valentine’s Day should be a 
day for romance.<br />

Valentine greetings were popular as far back as the Middle Ages, 
though written Valentine’s didn’t begin to appear until after 1400. The 
oldest known valentine still in existence today was a poem written in 
1415 by Charles, Duke of Orleans, to his wife while he was imprisoned in
 the Tower of London following his capture at the <a data-id="143703" data-type="topics" href="http://www.history.com/topics/british-history/battle-of-agincourt">Battle of Agincourt</a>.
 (The greeting is now part of the manuscript collection of the British 
Library in London, England.) Several years later, it is believed that 
King <a data-id="143893" data-type="topics" href="http://www.history.com/topics/british-history/henry-v-england">Henry V</a> hired a writer named John Lydgate to compose a valentine note to Catherine of Valois.<br />

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<div class="accordion-group">
 <h2 class="section-head accordion-toggle collapsed" data-toggle="collapse" href="http://www.history.com/topics/valentines-day/history-of-valentines-day#section_4">
Typical Valentine’s Day Greetings     </h2>
<div class="section-group collapse" id="section_4">
In addition to the United States, Valentine’s Day is celebrated in Canada, <a data-id="143521" data-type="topics" href="http://www.history.com/topics/mexico">Mexico</a>,
 the United Kingdom, France and Australia. In Great Britain, Valentine’s
 Day began to be popularly celebrated around the 17th century. By the 
middle of the 18th, it was common for friends and lovers of all social 
classes to exchange small tokens of affection or handwritten notes, and 
by 1900 printed cards began to replace written letters due to 
improvements in printing technology. Ready-made cards were an easy way 
for people to express their emotions in a time when direct expression of
 one’s feelings was discouraged. Cheaper postage rates also contributed 
to an increase in the popularity of sending Valentine’s Day greetings.<br />

Americans probably began exchanging hand-made valentines in the early
 1700s. In the 1840s, Esther A. Howland began selling the first 
mass-produced valentines in America. Howland, known as the “Mother of 
the Valentine,” made elaborate creations with real lace, ribbons and 
colorful pictures known as “scrap.” Today, according to the Greeting 
Card Association, an estimated 1 billion Valentine’s Day cards are sent 
each year, making Valentine’s Day the second largest card-sending 
holiday of the year. (An estimated 2.6 billion cards are sent for <a data-id="142573" data-type="topics" href="http://www.history.com/topics/christmas">Christmas</a>.) Women purchase approximately 85 percent of all valentines.<br />

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</article></div>
<br />

STORIES History of Valentine’s Day

Every February 14, across the United States and in other places around the world, candy, flowers and gifts are exchanged between loved ones...

New Study Reveals Who's More Likely to Cheat in a Relationship

22:25 0

<figure data-reactid=".0.$cover-mosaic-transition-group.$=1$cover-mosaic-0:0.$article-120448068883.0:$Pos-r.$article-inner-container.$inset-container.$grid-template.0.$col-left.$content.$grid-content.0.1.1.$text-body.0.0.$figure-0" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Times, serif; font-size: 18px; letter-spacing: 0.180000007152557px; line-height: 28.7999992370605px; margin: 0px;"><img alt="New Study Reveals Who's More Likely to Cheat in a Relationship" height="341" src="https://s.yimg.com/cd/resizer/2.0/FIT_TO_WIDTH-w512/104ff7294c781d758ad00866f5c5add64a20ad1f.jpg" style="border: 0px; height: auto; margin-right: 20px; max-width: 100%; vertical-align: bottom;" width="512" /></figure><div data-reactid=".0.$cover-mosaic-transition-group.$=1$cover-mosaic-0:0.$article-120448068883.0:$Pos-r.$article-inner-container.$inset-container.$grid-template.0.$col-left.$content.$grid-content.0.1.1.$text-body.0.0.$p-2" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Times, serif; font-size: 18px; letter-spacing: 0.180000007152557px; line-height: 28.7999992370605px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; margin-top: 1.5em;">
<i><b>Hint: It has everything to do with economic dependence.  </b>(Image via AP Photo/Wilfredo Lee)</i></div>
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What’s the likelihood your spouse will cheat on you? University of Connecticut professor Christin Munsch attempts to answer that question through an economic lens in a study published today in <i><a data-rapid_p="46" data-v9y="1" data-ylk="elm:itm;elmt:link;t1:a2;t2:article;t3:body;t8:818e083e-e3fc-3458-a40a-40f8c33ff5d4;t9:18;itc:0" href="http://www.asanet.org/journals/CS/Jun15ASRFeature.pdf" style="border: 0px; color: #0e9be4; outline: 0px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">American Sociological Review</a></i>. Munsch looks at how likely it is a breadwinner will cheat — as well as how likely it is an economically dependent spouse will do the same. Her “counterintuitive” finding, per the<i><a data-rapid_p="47" data-v9y="1" data-ylk="elm:itm;elmt:link;t1:a2;t2:article;t3:body;t8:818e083e-e3fc-3458-a40a-40f8c33ff5d4;t9:18;itc:0" href="http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/jun/01/extramarital-affair-couples-breadwinner" style="border: 0px; color: #0e9be4; outline: 0px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Guardian</a></i>: </div>
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<blockquote style="background-color: white; border-left-color: rgb(204, 204, 204); border-left-style: solid; border-left-width: 1px; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Times, serif; font-size: 18px; letter-spacing: 0.180000007152557px; line-height: 28.7999992370605px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 5px 20px;">
Men and women who are economically dependent on their partner are more likely to cheat, with men three times more inclined to do so. For women: Those who are totally economically dependent have a 5.2% probability of cheating, compared to 3.4% for those who brought home equal income and just 1.5% for total breadwinners. For completely financially dependent men, the probability of cheating was much higher: 15%. </blockquote>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Times, serif; font-size: 18px; letter-spacing: 0.180000007152557px; line-height: 28.7999992370605px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; margin-top: 1.5em;">
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As for how common that scenario may be, <a data-rapid_p="48" data-v9y="1" data-ylk="elm:itm;elmt:link;t1:a2;t2:article;t3:body;t8:818e083e-e3fc-3458-a40a-40f8c33ff5d4;t9:18;itc:0" href="http://www.cnn.com/2015/06/01/living/infidelity-men-women-breadwinners-feat/" style="border: 0px; color: #0e9be4; outline: 0px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">CNN</a> points to a<a data-rapid_p="49" data-v9y="1" data-ylk="elm:itm;elmt:link;t1:a2;t2:article;t3:body;t8:818e083e-e3fc-3458-a40a-40f8c33ff5d4;t9:18;itc:0" href="http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2013/05/29/breadwinner-moms/" style="border: 0px; color: #0e9be4; outline: 0px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Pew Research Center</a> report that found that 15% of married mothers out-earned their husbands in 2011. </div>
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Men were actually least likely to cheat (2.9%) when they brought home 70% of the couple’s pooled income. Infidelity increases from there, with men who are the sole breadwinners having a 4% chance of cheating. </div>
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“These men are aware that their wives are truly dependent and may think that, as a result, their wives will not leave them even if they cheat,” Munsch tells the <i><a data-rapid_p="50" data-v9y="1" data-ylk="elm:itm;elmt:link;t1:a2;t2:article;t3:body;t8:818e083e-e3fc-3458-a40a-40f8c33ff5d4;t9:18;itc:0" href="http://blogs.wsj.com/economics/2015/06/01/when-a-man-depends-on-a-woman-he-may-be-more-likely-to-cheat/" style="border: 0px; color: #0e9be4; outline: 0px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Wall Street Journal</a></i>. She arrived at her conclusions by crunching data of 2,757 straight people in the same relationship for at least a year as gathered by the National Longitudinal Survey of Youth between 2001 and 2011. As the survey’s name suggests, those considered were young: between the ages of 18 and 32. What Munsch thinks her findings indicate: </div>
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“We don’t really like inequity, and there’s probably something about masculinity that means men really don’t like it.” (How to tell if your <a data-rapid_p="51" data-v9y="1" data-ylk="elm:itm;elmt:link;t1:a2;t2:article;t3:body;t8:818e083e-e3fc-3458-a40a-40f8c33ff5d4;t9:18;itc:0" href="http://www.newser.com/story/207554/slept-with-many-people-5-ways-to-see-where-you-rank.html?utm_source=part&utm_medium=yahoohealth&utm_campaign=relatedlink" style="border: 0px; color: #0e9be4; outline: 0px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">number of sex partners is “normal.”</a>)</div>

New Study Reveals Who's More Likely to Cheat in a Relationship

Hint: It has everything to do with economic dependence. (Image via AP Photo/Wilfredo Lee) What’s the likelihood your spouse will cheat ...

Peace In The Darkness

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<div class="mymusic" style="background-image: url(https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDhY89OtyjxbQSdgCObMpertW0E9trV1EFnCR6n5KNWfZOebtHQms6mFqto9Pc0TBpw1iGPVcEsKFcE_SNO-NmfpSdAHLvfmqJ3XvOAtHp7XrjqtJqLqZvSRx6XxS2XZXnh340yTei6Gd2/s1600/music.jpg); background-position: 50% 50%; background-repeat: repeat; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS', cursive, sans-serif; margin: 10px 100px; padding: 25px; text-align: center; text-shadow: rgb(166, 166, 166) 2px 2px 3px;">
I just can't believe<br />Where my life was at<br />All that I know is that my heart was broken<br />And I don't ever want to go back</div>
<br />Those lyrics are from a new MercyMe song called "Shake" - a song that I don't truly care for. Maybe if I liked to dance I could appreciate the song in its entirety, but no. However, I do love the first four lines. This is how I feel. Often, I find myself comparing where I was to where I am now. Not just during the affair until now, but also as I grew up and began my walk with Christ. I see who I was in college, and how much I have changed. How much my faith and my understanding of God has grown. I suppose that's quite normal. It's just that I remember that idealistic college girl who took the Bible at its word, didn't question anything God said in it, and dreamed of some day working in some remote Indian village in another country.<br /><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="more"></a><br />And while I still take the Bible as truth without questioning if this is true or that, or trying to argue theology (because I just don't care-God is who He says He is, the Bible is true, Jesus is my Savior-that's enough for me), I just never imagined my life turning out the way it has. I suppose that is the folly in grand expectations or trying to actually plan out your life. We really can't know what will happen day to day. We can't predict what situations will arise in our lives that will change our dreams and goals.<br /><br />There was absolutely nothing wrong with my desire to be a missionary on some foreign field. In fact, that dream is still in my heart. It's just that as life happened and circumstances evolved, my goals changed. I married young (age 19) and had four children, relatively close together. Sure, some families take their young children on the mission field and do quite well raising them. But I can see, looking back, I wasn't ready. There is a reason that God did not open up doors for Kris and I to minister to others in that way.<br /><br />I think that God knew the path that Kris and I would take. I think He was able to foresee that had we been on a mission field somewhere, our ministry would have been false. Kris with his hidden addiction could not possibly have had the same impact then as he can now, as he experiences freedom from something that held him captive for over 20 years. And me? Would I have committed adultery if our lives had been played out somewhere else? It's hard to say. Perhaps I would have chosen some other outlet for my lack of faith in God and the devastation that Kris' addiction brought into our lives. I don't think that just because we were missionaries my heart would have held onto hope. Obviously there is no way of knowing what would have happened. Perhaps Kris would have found freedom sooner. Who knows, but God?<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjimHFdkdGTowZBsaFj7ms8R8FBwHHMoP9j2gobilQHBXxo9oEuxW7oCe2OwBSoRCMrrYJ9YXmZx2_9eLY1dfl8TcFXNQUSwP0iBWS2XB7jUTDiVDehzjST-QY0nLUgmeX-GWEL4e9yTlc/s1600/peaceinthedarkness.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="color: #888888; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-decoration: none;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjimHFdkdGTowZBsaFj7ms8R8FBwHHMoP9j2gobilQHBXxo9oEuxW7oCe2OwBSoRCMrrYJ9YXmZx2_9eLY1dfl8TcFXNQUSwP0iBWS2XB7jUTDiVDehzjST-QY0nLUgmeX-GWEL4e9yTlc/s1600/peaceinthedarkness.jpg" style="-webkit-box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.0980392) 1px 1px 5px; background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 1px solid rgb(238, 238, 238); box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.0980392) 1px 1px 5px; padding: 5px; position: relative;" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />The point is we were not ready.<br /><br />And I see that now.<br /><br />And I am grateful that God called us to stay where we were (physically speaking). Because I look at where Kris and I are now as a couple and spiritually, and I see how much more effective we can be in ministering to others and sharing the love and grace of God, and the freedom found in Christ. Because God carried us through all of the pain and sin and shame.<br /><br /><div class="mybible" style="background-image: url(https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhY-ZbQj5CMhrw5C0fEVuPA0MJG9BGWWJvrAXvNN8xQChNCiIdJCh7gEx0V1VusXUEumZfdkx7iH-z3syQCVISu5P9fFBAvOR02Ll-gDTcu-0SVD4UtdAvzIShujC_xJngsbBL5OzFxfYGB/s1600/bible2.jpg); background-position: 50% 50%; background-repeat: repeat; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS', cursive, sans-serif; margin: 10px 50px; padding: 25px; text-align: center; text-shadow: rgb(166, 166, 166) 2px 2px 3px;">
Praise the Lord; praise God our Savior! For each day He carries us in his arms.<br />Psalm 68:19</div>
<br />Kris and I began reading "Jesus Calling," a devotional book by Sarah Young. And the verses these last few days have really spoken to where my heart is right now. One in particular just really summed up the most detrimental mistake I made almost 9 years ago, when I shut down and pushed away Kris and God.<br /><br /><div class="mybible" style="background-image: url(https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhY-ZbQj5CMhrw5C0fEVuPA0MJG9BGWWJvrAXvNN8xQChNCiIdJCh7gEx0V1VusXUEumZfdkx7iH-z3syQCVISu5P9fFBAvOR02Ll-gDTcu-0SVD4UtdAvzIShujC_xJngsbBL5OzFxfYGB/s1600/bible2.jpg); background-position: 50% 50%; background-repeat: repeat; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS', cursive, sans-serif; margin: 10px 50px; padding: 25px; text-align: center; text-shadow: rgb(166, 166, 166) 2px 2px 3px;">
Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.<br />Hebrews 12:3</div>
<br />Consider Christ, so that you do not give up. Consider the deep love he had, willingly sacrificing his life for me, because it is only in doing that that you can find strength to keep going, to hold tightly to hope. The same day that verse was in the devotion, a line from the book really struck both Kris and me. The book is written as if God is talking directly to us, which is an interesting alternative to a devotional that sounds like the author is speaking words of wisdom. This book allows you to really feel as if God himself is speaking the words, and perhaps he really is, directly into our hearts. This is what we read:<br /><br /><div class="myquotes" style="background-image: url(https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZ2GTKc5CDyZEUBPCHdwnAkJ6vILjLjve15S17TTzEEx_rscBd-pwOzB_lkRKAtvFSt3sathqt1x3eIsZHDiic0M0N9oIi5QS6YdmVyWT_G9DgrMNsU4uLT4EcvxcB1uGNrZ8QN0nshLzy/s1600/callig.jpg); background-position: 50% 50%; background-repeat: repeat; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS', cursive, sans-serif; margin: 10px 50px; padding: 25px; text-align: center; text-shadow: rgb(166, 166, 166) 2px 2px 3px;">
Hardships are part of the journey too. I mete them out ever so carefully, in just the right dosage, with a tenderness you can hardly imagine. Do not recoil from afflictions, since they are among My most favored gifts. Trust Me and don't be afraid, for I am your Strength and Song.</div>
<br />Have you ever thought about seeing your problems in this light? I mean, can you imagine running headlong into troubles, into the pain of life, knowing that God is carrying you? Knowing that you can trust him, that he drives out fear, and that he will give you strength to endure whatever hardships you face? I love that the author imagines God allowing certain trials in our lives, but with a tenderness, a loving concern for ensuring that we are not burdened beyond what he can carry us through. Just the realization that hardships are part of the journey is something to consider.<br /><br />Just because we follow Christ doesn't mean we are going to be exempt from pain. It is part of life. It is actually a large part of life. Think about how God handled Adam and Eve in their sin. Sin brought pain. It brought hardship. It brought afflictions. It is normal. Consider this, also from "Jesus Calling":<br /><br /><div class="myquotes" style="background-image: url(https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZ2GTKc5CDyZEUBPCHdwnAkJ6vILjLjve15S17TTzEEx_rscBd-pwOzB_lkRKAtvFSt3sathqt1x3eIsZHDiic0M0N9oIi5QS6YdmVyWT_G9DgrMNsU4uLT4EcvxcB1uGNrZ8QN0nshLzy/s1600/callig.jpg); background-position: 50% 50%; background-repeat: repeat; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS', cursive, sans-serif; margin: 10px 50px; padding: 25px; text-align: center; text-shadow: rgb(166, 166, 166) 2px 2px 3px;">
On darker days, My Peace stands out in sharp contrast to your circumstances. See times of darkness as opportunities for My Light to shine in transcendent splendor. I am training you to practice Peace that overpowers darkness...do not grow weary and lose heart.</div>
<br />I don't know about you, but I would LOVE to have peace that overpowers the pain! But this words above seem to indicate that it isn't something that will come overnight. It's something we have to practice. We have to train ourselves to recognize God in the dark times, and to hear His voice above all the others that would try to take our focus from Him. It is only when we take our eyes off of Jesus (Peter stepping out of the boat onto the water) that we no longer have strength to endure the trials of life.<br /><br /><div class="mybible" style="background-image: url(https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhY-ZbQj5CMhrw5C0fEVuPA0MJG9BGWWJvrAXvNN8xQChNCiIdJCh7gEx0V1VusXUEumZfdkx7iH-z3syQCVISu5P9fFBAvOR02Ll-gDTcu-0SVD4UtdAvzIShujC_xJngsbBL5OzFxfYGB/s1600/bible2.jpg); background-position: 50% 50%; background-repeat: repeat; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS', cursive, sans-serif; margin: 10px 50px; padding: 25px; text-align: center; text-shadow: rgb(166, 166, 166) 2px 2px 3px;">
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders us and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.<br />Hebrews 12:1-2</div>
<br />The only way to have peace in the darkness is to keep our eyes on the only True Light.</div>

Peace In The Darkness

I just can't believe Where my life was at All that I know is that my heart was broken And I don't ever want to go back Those lyri...

I Want A Life

06:54 0

I Want A Life

I love anything sung by Lennon and Maisy Stella . I do watch and enjoy the show Nashville-it is an added bonus that these awesome young a...

Reflections Of The Past

06:54 0

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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 15.3999996185303px; line-height: 1.4;">I read an article over on</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 15.3999996185303px; line-height: 1.4;"> </span><a href="http://www.intentionallyyours.org/" style="color: #888888; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 15.3999996185303px; line-height: 1.4; text-decoration: none;">Intentionally Yours</a><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 15.3999996185303px; line-height: 1.4;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 15.3999996185303px; line-height: 1.4;">today called "</span><a href="http://www.intentionallyyours.org/2014/02/11/i-ruined-valentines-day/" style="color: #888888; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 15.3999996185303px; line-height: 1.4; text-decoration: none;">I Ruined Valentine's Day</a><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 15.3999996185303px; line-height: 1.4;">."  It is written by a man named David who made some bad choices in his life.  It is his reflection on how confessing his sin to his wife on Valentine's Day tarnished the implied joy the day should bring.  We all know that Valentine's Day is a day for love, for couples to celebrate that love.  So for David, it was devastating to his relationship that this bomb was dropped on that particular day.  And yet, at the same time, David found hope that day.  In the eyes and heart of his wife, he found forgiveness and it was just the beginning of a fresh start for his marriage.</span></h3>
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What is it about Valentine's Day and confessing sin?  As I sit here and reflect on my own life, I find that today marks two years since my husband found out about my affair.  Two years since I turned my back on my marriage and was ready to give up and bring out the word we had always refused to allow into our vocabulary:  divorce.</div>
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I was done.<br /><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="more"></a><br />It wasn't just because he found out about the affair.  It was because of his addiction, because I was unhappy, because I wasn't content.  But most of all, it was because my heart was so far from God.  It was because of the shame and guilt that weighed me down, making it impossible for me to see (that day, in that moment) that my marriage could be restored.</div>
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I had destroyed it.  Yes, Kris and his addiction played a part in the destruction.  But the night that Kris confronted me and the truth about how I had spent the last seven years came into the light, I took all the blame.  I knew that my actions alone had wreaked havoc on our marriage, on our relationship, on my soul.  I could see it and I saw the pain in Kris' eyes as I was cold towards him, even in the midst of it all.<br /><b><i><br /></i></b><b><i>I used anger that he finally knew the truth as a wall to protect myself from the shame that tried to suffocate me.  </i></b><br /><br />For several days, I watched life pass me by, as Kris and I were in this holding pattern.  </div>
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Honestly, I don't remember much of what transpired in those first few days after he found out.  Valentine's Day came and went and I have no memory at all of what we did.  I'm sure that we didn't go to dinner together without the kids and pretend that everything was okay.  I felt like the walls were closing in on me.  The tension was too great, and I didn't want to be with my husband in those days.  I wanted to see my boyfriend.  I wanted him to reassure me that it would all be okay.</div>
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<b><i>But the truth is, I knew deep in my heart that another man would not be able to use words anymore to make me feel better about my sin.  </i></b><br /><br />The curtain had been drawn back, exposing my sin and the darkness in my heart, and that was all I could see.  And yet, I still yearned for him.  Not for my husband.  Feeling surrounded by things I could not understand and a husband who hovered around me trying to force me to love him (that's how it felt at the time), I fled.  I had to get away.</div>
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Over the next four days, I spent any moment I could with the other man.  I think we both knew things were drawing to a close.  That our years of running and hiding were about to end.  It's really difficult, ending an affair.  Especially such a prolonged one.  I know that me saying that may upset some who have been on the receiving end of this kind of pain - it isn't my intention to hurt you and I am not trying to make light of anything.  But I think it is important for those who have not been trapped in this particular sin to understand how warped our minds and emotions can become.  It wasn't just some one night stand.  I had invested all of my free time, all of my energy, and all of my heart into my relationship with this man.  I set my husband aside, convinced that I felt absolutely nothing but bitterness towards him.  Sure, I loved him.  You know, the way that you will always love someone that you have spent much of your life with.  But I certainly felt no feelings of affection or romance towards him, and didn't want to.</div>
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I think back to February 11, 2012.  And I remember the pain.  I remember how difficult it was to know Kris was looking at me.  I was convinced all he could see was my sin and shame.  I'm still not sure that he saw anything beyond that in the beginning.  I know that he quickly put his hurt aside and attempted to reassure us both that it would work out-that we could work it out.  But I didn't believe him.  I knew what I saw.  I knew the sin and the shame and the darkness that was still inside my heart, and nothing Kris said or did would have convinced me that he saw anything different.</div>
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I still cry thinking back.  What I did, sometimes I can't make any sense of it.  I can't look at my life and my heart now and understand why I made the choices I did.  I know that I bought into lie upon lie upon lie, and slowly allowed my heart to turn from God, and from my husband.  But sometimes I look back to that Jamie, to the adulterer, to the liar, to the prodigal, and I am astounded.<br /><br /><b><i>And I think, "Who is that person?"  </i></b><br /><br />And I wonder how I ever let myself get that far from God, that far from the truth.</div>
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I can't reconcile the person I am today with the person I was then.  I don't think I'll ever be able to.  Because the things of God do not always make sense to man, do they?  I could sit and wallow in despair over the person I became and the choices I made.  I could dwell upon the guilt and shame that came from the pain that my sin inflicted on so many.  So many people were hurt.<br /><br />I disappointed some.<br /><br />I angered others.<br /><br />And I devastated those that I was closest to, Kris included.  I was not a woman that any parent could be proud of.<br /><br /><b><i>I was so lost.  </i></b><br /><b><i><br /></i></b><b><i>So broken.  </i></b><br /><b><i><br /></i></b><b><i>So confused.</i></b></div>
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<br /><br />You see, when you buy into the lies that the devil so expertly crafts and whispers in your ear, you don't realize the confusion that is being woven into your heart and life.  Web after web of deceit is built, by Satan's design.  So intricate a pattern that you could never really unravel it all.  You can never free yourself from the trap he uses to ensnare you.  On your own, you have no choice but to submit to the will of your father.  Back then, my father was Satan.  You know, the Father of Lies?  That is who I followed.  That is who I listened to and that is who I strove to please.  I didn't see it that way in the moment, of course.  I knew I was sinning.  I could think about the decisions I was making and know they were wrong.  But when you have beleived the lies, who cares if you are doing something wrong.  It's all about making yourself happy.  Making yourself feel good.  Right?</div>
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And so I was left, trapped in this web of lies so powerful that on my own, I could do nothing.  I think I realized that two years ago.  When the truth was brought into the light, I saw the web I was in, and perhaps that is why I felt suffocated at home.  I couldn't move.  I could barely breathe.  The truth was flaunted in my face and all I could do was sit, trapped, and watch the story unfold.</div>
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And yet, in the midst of the pain of that night and the days that followed, God began to move and work.  It isn't enough to say that though.  I believe God was moving and working before that, and it was by his design that Kris found out the way that he did, when he did.  Timing is everything, as the old saying goes.  God had a plan.  There was good that he could bring out of the pain that I had brought into our marriage and into the lives of all those affected by the affair.  He even had a plan for me, down the road, to begin writing through my story, so that others could find hope and healing.</div>
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I wouldn't have known it at the time.<br /><br /><b><i>I was just this lost little girl, disappointed by life, by my husband, and by God.</i></b><br /><br />I didn't have enough faith to wait for God to free my husband from his addiction, and so I allowed myself to be led astray, down a path that will never cease to remind me of how sinful and broken we descendants of Adam really are.</div>
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It is important for me to remember the pain of revelation that came that night.  It is vital to my heart that I never grow so distant again.  And I need to remember the weight of my sin that I felt back then because it gives me accountability and pushes me forward.  Because good did come out of the wounds I had inflicted.  Without the pain that my sin and exposing my darkness caused, I wouldn't be able to rejoice in all of the good God has brought to us.</div>
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Without February 11, 2012, I do not know where I would be.  I don't know if the affair would have ended.  I was perfectly content, until Kris found out, to continue in it forever.  Juggling my husband and my boyfriend, hoping that the two lives I believed I was living would never intersect.  But the truth always wins out.  The darkness cannot stay hidden for ever.  Lies will be found out.  It may take days, months, or in my case years.  But some day, when you least expect it, the light will shine in the dark and sin will be exposed.  And when that happens, if you are not ready to surrender your life to Christ and embrace the freedom that is offered, you will wither.  You will be faced with your sin and your shame, and without understanding the love of Christ, forgiveness and grace, you will find no hope in this life.</div>
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I like today.  I like to look back through tears, through the pain, and examine my heart.  I like that I have something to look back to and say, "I don't ever want to be that person again."  I do wish I hadn't hurt my husband and the others that were involved.  It was never my intention and it is not something I am proud of.  But I need to remember.  I need to be aware of the pain I caused.  I need to be close to it, because it is only in remembering that night that I see my deep, desperate need for God.  And understanding that need pushes me on toward excellence.  Toward making the right choices from this point on.  Toward never letting my heart get so far from God that I even consider looking at another man as more than a friend; and I choose to put up boundaries and know myself well enough to know whether or not my motives are pure.  I choose to live in the light with my husband and with God, and acknowledge mistakes when I make them.  Seek forgiveness and true repentance.  </div>
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I have to remember so that I never lose sight of God again.  So that I never forget just how much he has done in my heart, my life, and my marriage.  And while remembering that time in my life is not a celebration, it is also not a way of condemning myself over and over again.  I do not celebrate the choices that I made that led to the affair, and the decisions I continued to make for seven and a half years.</div>
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But there is something that I do celebrate.  </div>
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Freedom in Christ.  </div>
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No one can take that from me.</div>
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<div class="mybible" style="background-image: url(https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhY-ZbQj5CMhrw5C0fEVuPA0MJG9BGWWJvrAXvNN8xQChNCiIdJCh7gEx0V1VusXUEumZfdkx7iH-z3syQCVISu5P9fFBAvOR02Ll-gDTcu-0SVD4UtdAvzIShujC_xJngsbBL5OzFxfYGB/s1600/bible2.jpg); background-position: 50% 50%; background-repeat: repeat; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS', cursive, sans-serif; margin: 10px 50px; padding: 25px; text-align: center; text-shadow: rgb(166, 166, 166) 2px 2px 3px;">
If I had not confessed the sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened. But God did listen! He paid attention to my prayer. Praise God, who did not ignore my prayer or withdraw his unfailing love from me.<br />Psalm 66:18</div>
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Reflections Of The Past

I read an article over on Intentionally Yours today called " I Ruined Valentine's Day ." It is written by a man named Da...

I Hate Pornography

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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 15.3999996185303px; line-height: 1.4;">I HATE pornography.</span></h3>
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<br />The word "hate" isn't even strong enough to encompass the depth of repulsion I feel towards it.<br /><br />There is nothing good about pornography.<br /><br />You know, I have read in books and heard other people agree that pornography can make a marriage or sexual relationship better.  When we were much younger, before we had kids, Kris and I went through a period of time where we tried to prove this idea.  Because he struggled with it, and couldn't seem to escape it, we thought that maybe if we watched it together (thinking then he wouldn't be hiding in sin alone) and were intimate with one another that it could enhance our sexual experience.<br /><br />There is nothing to say besides this:  it did not help.<br /><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="more"></a><br />In fact, it was more damaging ultimately.  We engaged in the sin of lust together.<br /><br />How can you watch someone else have sex or see a nude body and then think for one second that your mind will ONLY be on your spouse?  How does this make any sense?<br /><br />And yet, we try so hard to make these sins fit into our lives.  We try to tie them up with a pretty bow, make them presentable, so that we ourselves can be deceived and fool ourselves into thinking that what we know deep down to be wrong is not really wrong after all.<br /><br /><div class="mybible" style="background-image: url(https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhY-ZbQj5CMhrw5C0fEVuPA0MJG9BGWWJvrAXvNN8xQChNCiIdJCh7gEx0V1VusXUEumZfdkx7iH-z3syQCVISu5P9fFBAvOR02Ll-gDTcu-0SVD4UtdAvzIShujC_xJngsbBL5OzFxfYGB/s1600/bible2.jpg); background-position: 50% 50%; background-repeat: repeat; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS', cursive, sans-serif; margin: 10px 50px; padding: 25px; text-align: center; text-shadow: rgb(166, 166, 166) 2px 2px 3px;">
Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean.  In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness.<br />Matthew 23:27-28</div>
<br /><br />We are no different than the teachers of the law and the Pharisees when we try to cover up the ugly truth with a beautiful exterior that is nothing more than a lie.  The Church is full of hypocrisy and wickedness.  Our hearts are full of hypocrisy and wickedness!<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br /><br />If there is legitimately nothing wrong with viewing pornography, then why do we hide it?<br /><br />Did you know that there is a very large number of online pornography viewers between the ages of 12 and 18?  How old are your children?  I have two in this age range, with two more soon to follow.<br /><b><br /></b><b>We have to wake up, at least for the sake of our children, and realize the impact this will have. </b><br /><br />At a counseling session not long ago, Kris and I needed to talk about how pornography could affect our children.  Tony talked about the immense shame that we experience as a result of our sin.<br /><br />The tendency is to hide.  Adam and Eve were naked in the Garden of Eden, before sin entered the world.  They were not only naked; they were naked and <b><i>UNASHAMED</i></b>.  There was nothing to be ashamed of initially.  Adam and Eve could see each other's nakedness and feel no shame.  But once sin entered in, Adam and Eve felt shame and a need to cover their bodies.  As we talked about this concept and how shame plays into our lives, Tony gave us an illustration to consider.<br /><br />In it, he replaced the word shame with hate, as hate is a feeling or state of mind or action that makes more sense in the mind of a child than shame does.  So he explained it this way:<br /><br />When we sin, we have four choices.<br /><br />We can hate the person who has seen our sin once it is exposed.<br />We can hate ourselves for having committed such atrocity.<br />We can hate God for making us feel what we feel about our sin.<br /><br />Of those three, none of them are right.  None of them lead to true repentance, freedom or peace.  But there is hope.  There is another option.<br /><br /><b>We can choose to hate our sin.</b><br /><br />Once the focus shifts to where it really belongs, we can look at what we did as a singular action, and not something that defines who we are.  My son tends to believe that his mistakes or bad choices define him.  He is bad because he made a bad choice.  That is the reality that he lives in.  It isn't true.  It isn't healthy. But it is what he believes.<br /><br />Growing up believing that same way about myself, I completely understand him.  It took me 33 years to understand that I had to stop hating myself and hate the sin that I had taken part in.<br /><br /><b><u>It is only in separating ourselves from the sin itself that we can even accept God's forgiveness and Jesus' death on the cross. </u></b><br /><br />I want my 12 year old son to learn NOW what took me entirely too long to understand.  But he really struggles with this sometimes.  He has done some things this year that he believed were unforgivable.  He believed, regardless of what we said, that we did not forgive him.  That we were angry with him.  This is the same way I viewed my own sin and I believed that God could not forgive me.<br /><br />But here's the truth:<br /><br /><u><b>Whether I accept it or not, Christ forgives.</b></u><br /><br />His death on the cross forgave the sins of my past.  The sins of my present.  And the sins of my future.  I cannot use that as an excuse to sin.  That would be crucifying Christ all over again.<br /><br /><div class="mybible" style="background-image: url(https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhY-ZbQj5CMhrw5C0fEVuPA0MJG9BGWWJvrAXvNN8xQChNCiIdJCh7gEx0V1VusXUEumZfdkx7iH-z3syQCVISu5P9fFBAvOR02Ll-gDTcu-0SVD4UtdAvzIShujC_xJngsbBL5OzFxfYGB/s1600/bible2.jpg); background-position: 50% 50%; background-repeat: repeat; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS', cursive, sans-serif; margin: 10px 50px; padding: 25px; text-align: center; text-shadow: rgb(166, 166, 166) 2px 2px 3px;">
If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God.<br />Hebrews 10:26-27</div>
<br />I love the <a href="http://www.xxxchurch.com/" style="color: #888888; text-decoration: none;">XXX Church</a>. It's possibly the only website on the internet with XXX in it that I will trust. If you are not familiar with this ministry, these are former sex and pornography addicts are now on mission to free other addicts and those involved in the pornography industry, such as porn stars, producers, etc...we actually use their software on the computer and phones for added accountability. If you are looking for freedom from this particular addiction or you're looking for resources to help those enslaved in this, check them out.<br /><br />Our minister, and marriage counselor, has a ministry called <a href="http://powerofpurity.org/" style="color: #888888; text-decoration: none;">The Power of Purity</a>. His sessions on lust and addiction are phenomenal and offer hope and help to anyone struggling with addictions. Right now, you can hear his story of brokenness through sexual addiction and adultery to redemption and restoration of his marriage, for free. Click on the link and it will take you to his website. He has a video series he has put together and someone generously paid for many people to watch these videos for free. It's a first come first serve basis, so if you are interested, check it out now. You can purchase the entire video series as well (we did so we have it for our own use and possibly future ministry opportunities).<br /><br />I'm very passionate about this topic. I have seen firsthand how devastating it can be in a person's life and marriage and I want our children to grow up in a society that says "This is NOT OK." Maybe that's wishful thinking, maybe it's idealistic. But it is still what my heart cries out for. Those involved in viewing pornography have believed a lie. Several really. The lie that says "It's okay, everyone does it." The lie that claims "It's not hurting anyone." The lie that deceives by luring you into believing that it can actually enhance your relationship with your significant other. If there was truth there, there would be no need to hide it. There wouldn't be such deep shame associated with it. The shame doesn't stem from Christians condemning it. The shame comes from a brokenness inside the heart that knows it isn't right. People can disagree with me, they can dislike me for speaking out against it, but it will not change what I believe. And it will not silence me. It's time we speak up, and speak out. Pornography will destroy marriages, homes, and families. Little by little, it will eat away at your soul. You may not believe it or be able to see it now, but pornography will eventually cost you something.</div>

I Hate Pornography

I HATE pornography. The word "hate" isn't even strong enough to encompass the depth of repulsion I feel towards it. There i...

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