When we find ourselves falling in love, it can be exciting and anxiety-inducing at the same time. What I mean by this is that we open our hearts to someone and yet by doing so, we are now vulnerable to them. It can feel like we have no power to do anything other than fall headlong in love. It’s very powerful and we find ourselves thinking of them constantly and miss them terribly when we are apart. When the ‘I love you’ words are blurted out, it can be a relief yet quite lovely to be on the receiving end, especially if you feel the same way. These early days of love are magical especially when we believe that we might have met ‘THE ONE’. They seem perfect to us and it doesn’t seem possible that we can’t ever see the feelings we have now changing.
It could be said that the more we have in common with someone, the better the chance of connecting with them – it is our differences that cause problems. Sometimes it can be expectations i.e. that we want our partner to be someone they’re really not, but in the early days, we may ignore the signals in deference to staying immersed in that blissful ‘in love’ state. I heard someone say once that you should never marry someone before you have done all the seasons with them at least once. There is some sense to this as it gives us a chance to see people have birthdays, anniversaries, and experience them through the four seasons as well as sharing a decent amount of time with them and getting to know them better.
However, it’s impossible to anticipate whether a couple will last the distance and be together forever. People stay in relationships for lots of reasons. Even if they no longer love each other, they may decide to remain as a couple because they couldn’t see themselves any other way, or perhaps for the sake of their children, their religious beliefs, financial restrictions, etc. But for some, they see no other option but to go their separate ways. It can be an agonising decision and one that is rarely made lightly and usually liberally dosed with fear – fear of losing children, home, income, status, friends, family, etc.
Some people will say that they don’t know what exactly went wrong – it could have been a number of reasons. Maybe there’s been an affair (but this in itself is a symptom of a deeper issue) and one or both parties decide it is now over. Others will say it was a gradual drifting apart over time and recent research tells us that this is now the most common reason for couples to split up.
Separating is one of the most stressful experiences that a human being can face and people need a lot of support during this time. It can take years to get over it and if you have children together, you will continue to have life long bond with your ex-partner. Even if you have separated, you are still a family and that doesn’t change. Every year, we see many people, both as couples and individuals who are at various stages of separating and we encourage people to seek help – your world has been turned upside down and it will take quite a bit of adjustment as you come to terms with what has happened.
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